"Would you like to try weight loss pills?" my physician asked me after I told her I had been working out daily and eating right for a year.
I had lost a little weight, but not enough to be "healthy". I explained to her that weight loss hadn't been my goal. I have always been a bigger girl and was more interested in staying stable rather than the roller-coaster ride of weight loss and gain. After a year of hard work, weight loss pills would go against everything I was working to be.
I was focused on getting stronger. I built endurance and strength instead of counting every little calorie. Parts of me got bigger and firmer, not smaller and weaker. My bigger curves did not stop me from keeping up with the workout regimes of my smaller friends. I felt happy, healthy, and powerful--even though I was big.
But, as a naturally small woman, my physician could not understand my triumph. She replied, "Well what if I referred you to a dietitian?"
To her, big means unhealthy, so I must be doing something wrong.
This is a myth that I have had to fight my whole life. From boyfriends telling me I should lose weight to my family sharing their weight loss secrets with me, I'm always fighting a society that is against my curves.
Sure, I understand that to an extent big does mean unhealthy and obesity is a growing problem. However, there is something to be said about seeing the whole individual.
Many bigger girls live a healthy lifestyle physically, emotionally, and mentally but people just can't see past the fat. My doctor didn't ask about my workout routine, my muscle growth, or my diet. She didn't take into account how I have always been bigger, even as a kid. She didn't try to educate me on how to be better, but assumed that I would need a quick and easy medical fix.
She assumed that I would want to be skinny like her.
I was fat and played soccer, basketball, and volleyball. I was fat and worked out every day. I was fat and did yoga. I was fat and took the stairs. I was fat and succeeded in school. I was fat and made friends. I was fat and satisfied both big and skinny men.
I was fat and I was happy. So why do so many people assume that because I'm fat I'm less capable of life?
The pressure to be skinny is rampant and there are definitely days where I look in the mirror and wish I was skinny. But the truth is, skinny people are pressured too. No matter what size, we can't seem to win. Too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too white, too black.
