Do you sometimes have a feeling that we have everything at our fingertips and that it is not always the best?
I am in my thirties, I love technologies. My phone is full of apps to help me with anything from productivity to my love life. Yet I still remember the times when our lives were mostly offline. I am really sentimental about the past. I love the options we have nowadays. But a while ago I challenged myself to stop doing things that feel instantly great, but long term they don't serve me.
It all started with GPS. I was driving back from a meeting and my phone ran out of battery, no cables, no power bank. Back then I lived in KL for 3 years and I was driving around the city a lot. First I was thinking where is all the technology when I need it? Then I was like when did I stop using my brain? Auch, my ego was hurt. So I stopped using GPS for repetitive rides, or those rides I could figure out if I just spend some time picturing the way. I still use it when I go new places, but my brain is not in a standby mode. Positive effects: I know the city much better now, I feel more in control.
Then I stopped using Tinder. In Malaysia, and I guess in other parts of the world as well, people usually say that Tinder is a hookup app. Maybe because the success rate of meeting somebody really interesting who attracts you is so low, we just play it cool and pretend hookup is what we want. I love sex. But I don't like to have sex the first time I meet someone anymore. I used to do it but then I got really bored by the instantaneity. It felt like eating instant noodles - my hunger was satisfied, but my good taste definitely not.
Another problem was that I forgot how to connect with people in person, I felt like it would look desperate if I go and approach a man. Also, a man is supposed to approach a woman. What a crap. How did I get there? I never had issues with my confidence. But over the time it just became so normal to approach someone online and so uncommon to do it in person. I felt trapped in my own prison, so I forced myself to stop using Tinder. Guess what happened? I started to be really hungry for personal interaction, I actually wanted to speak with people, I wanted to start a conversation, I wanted to have a small talk. And I did. Positive effect: I met very interesting people I would have never met on Tinder because I would not swipe them right. I am much better at starting a conversation. I feel less awkward approaching a man. Yayyy!
My last decision was to stop watching porn and use more of my imagination. Why I even started thinking about it was because I was not able to make myself come in front of a partner without toys and porn. It made me feel sad that my pleasure is so dependant on external help. That is why I decided to work on it. I have to admit, I am not doing very well here. I have not yet passed the point where I stopped believing that porn actually supports my imagination. Sometimes when I just need a quick fix, it feels like a hassle to do it all on my own - my hand, my imagination, my everything. But when I do, oh yes, it is actually really great. Positive effects: I feel more connected with my body. But still, work in progress.
The ultimate direction is to simply be in control of what serves you and leave behind what controls you. This way of thinking can, of course, go to the extreme. Starting with small changes up to living off the grid. Hmmm, I still wanna be part of the society and I welcome new technologies. But I am grateful for the realization that not everything I find useful at the beginning helps me long term.
We are in charge of our own lives. Have a great meal and even better sex!