One of our dear friends, AJ, spoke at church earlier this month, and while the message was simple, it reminded me of something I’ve been pushing through lately, and realizing I still need to work on.
Let me set the scene. There are two states. The DARK, where everything is hidden. And the LIGHT. Jesus is in the LIGHT, and we attempt to stay in this LIGHT for that very reason. The Way, the Truth, the Light. You know how it goes 😉 They’re capitalized to make them more… defining or something. It makes sense in my head.
Now, just to clarify, this DARK state isn’t just where the rest of the world are stuck in. Noooo. See, it’s where we Christians want to run back to every time we do something wrong too. The DARK is where we can run to hide from our sins and we can try and ignore the obstacles we have in our way. It’s the state we’re in when we try and kid ourselves into thinking that if we can’t see the obstacles because the light is off, then we can ignore them and keep blissfully living our lives as normal.
When I stuff up really bad, I feel unworthy to talk to God about it. Like… crap, here’s someone I’ve disappointed. I want to say I’m sorry, but how many times can you say sorry about the same thing before you start thinking you’re not worthy of being forgiven for the seven-hundredth time? I naturally want to run away, stop existing, like if I stop existing then maybe I can stop disappointing God. And so, I run to the DARK where I want to believe He can’t see me. It can take months to remind myself that he wants nothing more than to draw me back into the LIGHT and forgive me. But it’s me that needs to take that step, because it’s my choice. It’s hard, because staying in the LIGHT exposes our ugliness. Even though God sees us as worthy, we don’t see ourselves that way. Staying in the LIGHT takes work! and sometimes hurt, because it makes us vulnerable, and we don’t freaking like feeling vulnerable!
So, it’s with this in mind that I’ve started to realize how vital it is to do life along-side other Christians. Not just a ‘nice to have’ like I used to think, but a necessity. I’m slowing down my own growth by trying to do it by myself. I need that encouragement and prayer from fellow Christians to stay on that path/state of LIGHT where Jesus is. But damn, confessing your failings to someone else is not easy! It’s extremely scary (and risky), but going through the fire like that is what refines us, right? And makes us stronger. What’s the point of going through life as a little twig, easily broken, when you can go through life with a whole lot of twigs? Together, we make each other stronger and lift each other up!
By coincidence last night I came across the following verse in James:
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect.
James 5:16 (CSB)
Naively, I’ve chosen to struggle through things on my own in the past and will probably continue doing so for longer than I should. Now, I’ll admit that currently, I don’t have anyone to help keep me accountable or push me back onto the right path, but I’m working on it. Sports camp was a step towards that, and I’m the one that initiated trying out a church new church with more people my age. Unfortunately, I’m learning the good friends don’t pop up overnight and this is something I’m going to work at. But I know what God wants for me. So Imma go and do the thing. Honestly, opening up is going to be a tough thing for me (since I’m very good at faking it). But what good things don’t come from a bit of uncertainty?
For anyone interested in the entire message, you can find it here: Darkness & Light
