It is a lot more common in this day and age to meet people who are not native to the city, province/state or even country they are currently living in. They could just be passing by, or perhaps they moved there permanently. Although everyone deal with this experience in their own way, most of them have their reasons for having made this bold move. Most of us have left many things behind, which can include relatives, close or not. In this post, I will talk about the different ways that my relationship with my relatives has improved as a result of my moving away.
Almost 6 years ago, I made the decision to move across the country, to the province of Alberta. This all happened while the province was undergoing an economic boom due to oil and gas exploitation. As you may know, I was born in the French-speaking Province of Quebec, which is east of the country. I was a lively 19-year-old that had a taste for adventure and a romanticized vision adulthood. Of course, there was a boy involved in the whole thing at the time, which also fueled my decision. I was fresh out of college and thought the world was at my feet. I quickly came down from my fantasies to reality as the months passed, revealing the hardship of having to start a new life in this unfamiliar territory. I struggled to make friends, finding a job that I like, and adjusting to my new life. It was undoubtedly one of the most challenging episodes of my life.
Me, on a beautiful day while on my way to Jasper, Alberta
As the years passed, I made a place for myself in this environment which is now home. I continued to discover myself which also led to me to make life-changing decisions. But after I broke up with my significant other at the time, my family asked me the question which was burning their lips: “So… are you going to come back?”. To be honest, I knew it was coming, but as Miley would say, it came in like a wrecking ball. As weird as it sounds, I didn't want to. Although I could clearly remember wishing to move back on so many occasions before. So why wouldn’t I just go through with it this time? I had no ties here anymore - or so it seemed.
I started analyzing in detail all of my feelings and past decisions, trying to figure out what is best for me. I definitely concluded that being out here has been extremely beneficial for me, and has allowed me to significantly grow as a human being. This is a tough topic for me, and I still have so many mixed emotions about it, but this is what I’ve concluded from numerous hours of thinking:
1- A LOT less fighting and arguing over silly things
This is probably one the things I appreciate the most. All these trivial arguments and fights that simply don’t happen because you’re not there. It’s okay not to see eye to eye about everything, and most of the time, it’s not worth arguing over either. May it be political views or the “correct” recipe for shepherd’s pie, it’s definitely an unnecessary stress that can greatly damage relationships in the long run. Especially if one or both parties tend to accumulate resentment or hold grudges.
This is me while on my way to Lake Louise for the first time - t'was super windy :P
2- More quality time when you’re visiting each other
To be honest, I have differential opinions about many things with my relatives. Especially my parents. I honestly never thought we could spend several days in the same living space without eventually fighting about something, or becoming irritated with one another. To my surprise, I realized that because we don’t see each other frequently, the value of the time we do spend together impressively increases. Moreover, we never run out of things to talk about as we catch up! As a result of all these positive interactions, we became more open with each other which has improved the quality of our relationship.
The Edmonton Legislature building - I was able to snap a picture while being stuck in traffic on my way to work
3- A judgment-free lifestyle
Every human being is definitely affected by the way they are raised. May it be the culture, religion, community, etc., all these different things have shaped us into becoming who we are now. As for me, I grew up in a traditional – maybe a little old school – family. Aside from encouraging me to see the world and strive to become an accomplished professional in life, it was implied that I would finish high school, go to college or university to get a Degree, then meet a boy, get married, have children and so on. I can’t blame my parents for this as I know they only wanted the best for me and raised me to the best of their abilities. However, I realized at some point that this path of life is a choice: I have a choice to get a degree, have children and get married. It was a revelation for me. In that moment (and for many other reasons I will address in a different post), I decided to end my relationship (which haven't been working out for years), move downtown (something I've always wanted to experience), and made the choice to work on my education, career and to travel more. My family was shocked by my decisions. Heck, even I was shocked by them! I can, however, embrace them and my new lifestyle without the judging eyes or comments from my relatives. Which, let’s be honest, makes it A LOT easier.
Canola field in full bloom in July, my birthday month :)
4- Learned resourcefulness and independence
I sincerely think that moving away has made me a lot tougher. I’m definitely better equipped to tackle everyday life problems and unforeseen events that may occur. I can always call my family for guidance, but I am the one who has to take action to get the result I’m aiming for. It’s a great feeling of accomplishment when you look back at what you’ve achieved on your own. I can’t say I don’t miss being able to rely on my family when I need them in the physical sense, but I know I can always count on their moral support and friendly advice to guide me in my decisions.
The city of Edmonton in the Fall (found on Google)
5- You get to miss them!
Someone who lived in Paris once told me they barely even notice the Eiffel Tower anymore because they’ve lived there all their life. That statement was really interesting to me. I gave it a lot more thought later on and came down to this conclusion: the things you’re exposed to on a regular basis lead you to become accustomed to them. Therefore, it can even lead you to take them for granted. This is no news! I’ve always been an independent person and I am certainly the type to become “used to” what’s around me. Which is in part why I’m always thriving for new challenges. Being away from my family definitely helps me recognize the enormous value they have in my life, and I make sure to make the best of every minute I get to spend with them, may it be on the phone, through social media or in person.
We get amazing sunsets here, too..! (found on Google)
I think it’s safe to say that each person is very different and will experience living away from their family very uniquely. As the years pass, I’ve had plenty of time to analyze my decision to move away and weigh the pros and cons of remaining where I am geographically. I’ve created my home here and finally found a job and friends that I love! So, at least for now, I’ve concluded that living away is still beneficial for my growth.
Thanks a bunch for reading this post and I sincerely hope you liked it! Have a lovely day, y'all! :)
Cheers!