3 types of love Part 2
The Greeks have 3 words to describe love. It refers to the relationship you have to another or to the degree of your connection to the other person. These words are EROS, PHILEO, AGAPE.
EROS. This is usually physical type of love. For many people, this is the start of a romantic relationship between one person to another. You focus mostly on the physical. How sexy she is. Her beautiful smile. Her tantalizing lips, and twinkling eyes.
For me, I fell in love with a very cute, Morena, petite girl. I did not even know then that I was attracted to this kind of girls. But there it was, I always wanted to be with her and to see her. Her presence is like a drug that I always seek to find. Seeing her and touching her, would make my day and propel me to the heavens. This is erotic love. Its flares hot and it flares fast. Usually because it’s limited to the physical. King Solomon in Proverbs 5:15-19 said:
15 Drink water from your own cistern,
flowing water from your own well.
16 Should your springs be scattered abroad,
streams of water in the streets?
17 Let them be for yourself alone,
and not for strangers with you.
18 Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated[a] always in her love.
It may start a relationship but it does not sustain a true fellowship nor does it lead to a deeper form of relationship. Over time EROS love would flare up and just diminish with time. But thankfully I don’t think my relationship began with EROS, it began with Phileo. It started with Phileo and then it transformed to EROS.
PHILEO form of love is mostly associated with friendship, devotion, companionship and community. You truly care about the other person. You maybe physically attracted to her, like what happened to me, but, there is a deeper more meaningful connection. When I entered into the Light of Jesus Community I felt the highest example of Phileo love. Everybody loves each other. There is no judgment, no pretense, just total filial love. I did not have to think if somebody doesn’t like me, I just have to devote to my service, to my brothers and sisters and to GOD. This is what it means to be in the Light of Jesus Community. God is always present with us. In Romans 12:9-13:
9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit,[a] serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
As to the Phileo love that I felt for my wife, we started as friends. We were the best of friends. We were intellectual opposites, yet I liked to believe that we truly like each other. She is good in math and numbers while I am good in English and sciences. The more time we spend together, the feelings changes from Phileo to Eros. I began feeling from devoted friend to having romantic feelings for her. I pursued my romantic feelings but it did not bear fruit. I tried to court her three times, but each time she said YES to another guy. Why is love so hard for me?!! With respect to my classmates, I am not only good looking but I’m intellectually superior to others. (Ahem). I even made her songs, and I just learned how to make compositions, original songs, because of her. But love did not come easy for me like the others. It was heart breaking. But we never transitioned from Philo to Eros. Until a few years later, when she had her share of experiences, maybe she needed to grow and mature, and I still told her I love her because we still have Philo between us. After those grueling heartaches I’ve been through, she finally accepted my offer of EROS love. So, despite our past, I loved her more than ever. I endeavored to be the best person she could ever be in a relationship with. I worked hard in our relationship and she did as well. We shared both Philo and Eros love. We still remain the best of friends and as necessary in every married couple we still also practice Eros. As a married person, we are truly lucky to be feeling both Philoe and Eros. Not many people, specially married couple were able to experience both in their relationship.
But for me, I am so blessed with our relationship. It gave us two beautiful children. Both of them are even good in math, and English, and the sciences. God really rained his blessings on us. Because we love God and we taught our children to love God as well. Although, we still have our challenges but with GOD, I am confident that we can overcome any trials that come our way.
THE last word is AGAPE. This is the highest form of love. It is unconditional, it is pure, it is unbiased. In 1st Corinthians 13:4-8 it states:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
This is AGAPE, as described by St. Paul. This is the kind of love that God has for us. God just loves us. His love is not subject to any conditions. God sent his only son to save us from sin!! There is no greater love than this!!!
Human as we are, it is difficult to imagine this kind of love because we are used to be conditioned. For example, Santa will only give us toys if we are good. Or parents will say, God only loves good boys and girls, and he will punish the naughty ones.
This us a product of our upbringing and also how our parents were raised. They have never heard or even discussed about AGAPE. But AGAPE is present and though it is illogical, this is clear and apparent between the love of a parent and child. Except for extreme cases, parents love their and should love their children unconditionally. There was a public servant who unfortunately raised a troubled son. When asked about the wayward ways of his son, he simply said, I love him because he is my son, no matter what he did.
Parents love their children. Their hearts may ache if a child does something wrong. But their love never ceases. This is Agape.
This is how God loves. He looks at you and your goodness and your capacity for holiness. No matter how many mistakes and sins you committed, God still loves you. God never looks at your mistakes and your sins. Your sins may be great but God’s love is greater.
Paulo Coelho said this about Agape:
"Agape is total love, the love that devours those who taste it. Those who experience and taste Agape, see that nothing else in this world has importance, just loving.
"This was the greater love that Jesus felt for humanity and it was so big that it shook the stars and changed the course of the history of Man."
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Enthusiasm is Agape directed to some idea, some thing."
When we love and believe in something deep inside our souls, we feel stronger than the world and we are taken by a serenity that comes from the certainty that nothing will be able to beat our faith. This strange force allows us to take the right decisions in the right time and we are surprised with our own capacity when we reach our goals."sss
"Enthusiasm manifests itself normally with all its might in the first years of our lives. By then, we are still strongly bonded to divinity and we throw ourselves so willingly to our toys that our dolls become alive and our led soldiers are able to march.
"When Jesus said that the Kingdom of Heaven belonged to the children, he was referring to Agape in the form of Enthusiasm. Children came to him not minding about his miracles, his wisdom, the Pharisees and the apostles. They came happily, moved by Enthusiasm."
"May you never for the rest of your life, lose enthusiasm: it is a greater force, turned to the final victory. We can't let it escape through our fingers just because we face little and necessary defeats over the months."
Let us endeavor to feel Agape towards our brothers and sisters. Let us love them not just because they are good to us, instead, let us love them just because we are commanded by Jesus to love them, in the same manner that Jesus love them. When we learn to love like Jesus, we grow to be more like Jesus and this Earth will be a better place because we just simply love.