How I learned to love the unlovable and forgive the unforgivable.
In my twenties I adopted a theory that people are mean because they are insecure. I was insecure myself, so it was easy to see, and forgive, in others. In my thirties I became more secure and that theory wasn’t working as well for me. I then began to analyze how I could love people who had been mean to me or hurt me. When I could not write off their mean acts as stemming from insecurity it became harder to love and forgive them. Then I realized love can be defined in many ways, including something as basic as pity. If that is the only emotion that can be drummed up in trying to relate to someone, so be it. I suspect that is the kind of love Jesus was feeling towards the people he encountered. If a person is grumpy because they are feeling trapped in a life that is unhappy, that is pitiful. Granted, they should not take it out on others but they are probably so bound in their circumstance they are unaware they’re acting out.
We’ve all heard “don’t judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes” but God says we are not to judge at all. You can observe, you can’t help but observe, people’s actions both good and bad. Good behavior, neutral behavior, probably doesn’t inspire much reactionary or introspective thought. It’s the offensive behavior that sticks in our head and causes us to stumble over love and forgiveness and judgement. A lot of times just telling the person they have offended you invokes an apology and the matter is forgotten. That should always be the first effort made but if that is not possible, or worse yet if they won’t acknowledge the offence then the work begins of healing yourself of the hurt and anger. I suggest starting in the vicious Psalms and then going to Matthew chapter 5, the Beatitudes, and repenting. That has worked well for me. It is needful to constantly grow in this area because the offenses will always be there and different from one another. Love Rejoice in the Lord always [delight, take pleasure in Him]; again I will say, rejoice! 5 Let your gentle spirit [your graciousness, unselfishness, mercy, tolerance, and patience] be known to all people. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious or worried about anything, but in everything [every circumstance and situation] by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, continue to make your [specific] requests known to God. 7 And the peace of God [that peace which reassures the heart, that peace] which transcends all understanding, [that peace which] stands guard over your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus [is yours].
8 Finally, [b]believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].
your enemies and pray for those who despitefully use you is Jesus admonition, I find that to be extremely helpful when combined with reading the prescribed method above.
Best luck and blessings with this worthy pursuit. Please read my posts for more Christian introspections.