30/9-17
All the things I felt for you,
all the pain I went through, is beautiful.
All the reminders of you are a part of me.
A part of me projected outside of myself and put you up on a pedestal as a big fat lie I tell myself.
The big fat lie that I need you to complete me,
the big fat lie that says that I won't find in myself what I admire in you.
And this big fat lie feeds off my fear of losing you.
It feeds off the insecurity I display around you.
It feeds off the investment I put into trying to make you like me, touch me, miss me,
think of with me, stay with me.
And as I invest, my source goes bankrupt.
Now I find myself scratching at the surface of my savings (thank god for my savings).
The savings that remind me;
when my body aches and I lose my breath, to listen.
Listen.
Listen.
Listen.
Listen inside, for a voice inside of you knows. Somewhere it knows.
Investment pays off,
in one way or another it pays off.
It hurts; but pain is not the opposite of love,
in fact pain is what fuels it.