[image source] https://www.shutterstock.com
Due to the busy nature of some parents schedule, many find it hard to listen when their children try to communicate with them.
A little girl once said that she finds it hard to communicate with her mother. This is because each time she tries to communicate, her mother who would never lift up her face from her computer ends up saying: "Sorry where you talking to me?". This is frustrating to the child especially since she lives in a big house with her single mother.
That child is not alone. For the purpose of this post, i carried out a little research and randomly interviewed kids in my school to find out their opinion about what they would do if their parents do not listen to them when they try to communicate. (Although they are on hols, but summer lesson has commenced).
About 27% of them says they will yell at their parents, something like "listen to me, this is important". The picture above illustrates that. 15% of them said they will go into their room and cry and maybe write it for them to read later. About 58% of the kids said that they will stop talking to their parents about their problem and talk to their friends.
Parents have you been ignoring your child and burying all your time into finishing your office work instead of taking out time to talk and listen to your kids?Allow your kid build trust and confidence in you that you can guide them through solving their problems. Listen to them no matter how silly the topic is.
A neighbor once told me that she was rolling up tissue paper one day, and her four- year old child came asking; " mummy what are you doing with this tissue?" . The mother said "i want to use it later". Do you know what the four- year old replied? she said; "You better don't put it in your bottom". The mother was shocked and asked the child why on earth would anyone put tissue paper in her bottom and where she got the idea from? It was then the child revealed that her classmate brought tissue paper to school and gave her to put it in her bottom. Her classmate had told her that her elder sister does it and "blood will be coming out". So the child too tried it in school but when blood didn't come out and she kept being uncomfortable, she went to the bathroom and removed it. All these, she explained to her mum. A four -year old girl! How would the mother have known if she had dismissed the child with: 'whats your business with what i do with tissue paper, will you leave here?' Or if wanted to be more polite and says: 'its an adult thing baby, you won't understand, go to your room'
Likely, if you were the mother in the above example, you will not need a prophet to tell you your child needs you, else at a young age, she will fall into the hands of the wrong kind of friends
Did you know that when kids are little that is the time you establish a foundation for them on how they too will listen? They learn by example and hardly forget. "Train up a boy according to the way for him, if he grows old, he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6). If you let your child see you as a good listener, when he grows older, he will talk to you about anything instead of turning to friends who may misguide him.
THINGS TO MAKE SURE OF WHEN LISTENING TO KIDS
If finally you decide to listen to your child,ensure that:
- Do not pretend to have been listening: Show interest by saying words like "really", "wow", "tell me more".
- Allow the child know that you listened: Do not listen half way. Do not ask the child to repeat what he has said. Pay attention to how he felt when talking you, his facial expression and his gestures.It is not bad if you hold him.
- Do not be in haste to help him solve the problem: Find out what he thinks and how he feels about it.
4.Do not criticize him or apportion blame unnecessarily: Appreciate your kid for confiding in you and assure him of your love, let him know where he did right (if he did) and with well chosen words and ideas he can comprehend, let him know where he needed adjustment (if otherwise)
Granted, listening and communicating with kids take time and effort but your kids are worth it. Remember kids are impatient, they may not be willing to wait for so long before being heard. Re-examine your schedule, factor time for your kids into that schedule, remember, family first.
When kids are trained by parents who give them attention, love and show interest in them, they become assured of their parents care and feel better. They grow up as well loved and educated adults, not as if they lived with strangers or as kids who would turn to any friend on the street and get misguided.More so, they when they become parents, they will be good listeners to their kids.
[image source] https://www.familyfirst.ie
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