I've noticed that while traveling it's easier to choose as friends exclusively the ones that really add up value to your life -- those with whom you share similar values and vision --. But in our regular lives, it's easier, sometimes, to be less critical about who you spend your time with, like for instance those friendships you might not have chosen consciously but that was easy to stick to because of the circumstances and the moment in life you were at when you met, name it, work, school, friends of friends, so it just kind of happened that you started hanging out with them.
I call the second group the dangerous one. Within this group there might be people that you might even call friends but that drain your energy, that when they invite you to do something you start fantasizing about an excuse. That's the same people that when you step into your power and start living up your truth aren't happy for you but critical -- not a positive critical, but a negative criticism --, and tear down your hopes and dreams with some rather 'practical' approach and doubts about you and what you do. The complainers; the ones that mostly have a negative mind; the ones that want to go out with you to do things you rather don't do anymore because it feels like an old phase in your life.
And that's definitely not the people you want in your life... But why do we hang onto them?... I've been there too.
As many of you know I went on a three-month-trip to Asia. I was traveling by myself and had the luck to mingle with new people that brought lots of joy into my journey, people that are on the same wavelength that I am.
This amazing experience created a big contrast once back in my hometown to my regular friends again. For the most part I was excited about seeing them again, but I noticed that not all of my friendships gave me such joy and that contrarily, I noticed I was avoiding certain people. Making excuses not to see them.
I felt horrible about the idea of declining invitations but it was impossible not to consider it. I felt I had grown out of those friends a while ago -- and that maybe we were never a good match -- but this trip made that gap even bigger. I knew what was happening but I felt terrible about it and I didn't understand why.
I had to write it down in order to understand better what was going on inside. I was going to attend a certain event just because I didn't want them to feel bad. "I don't want them to feel 'rejection' " I wrote down on the paper. Bingo!
While I was thinking about their feelings I was putting their feelings before my own and I remembered that I need to take care of myself before I even think of taking care of another. It was clear, those friendships were draining me. I wrote down the reasons, what has happened, episodes... And it was sad, but at the same time clear what was coming up next.
So I did something we're not comfortable doing often: choosing for ourselves. So I chose for myself, I did not attend that event and decided I was not gonna keep on meeting people that drain my energy. Why?
- My sanity is first than anything else
- I'm not adding up any value to their lives either when I'm feeling this way about them
- I'm creating room for new people in my life
- I needed to learn a lesson, now I move on
- I'm honoring my feelings
- I honor my truth
Remembering your core-values can help you to set up boundaries when you need it. One of my core values is be true to myself and it helped me to make decisions.
Ask yourself if you're living up to your core values and after that align what you need to in order to live up to it. You will realize that sometimes some people will have to fall out of your life, some jobs won't fit anymore, some relationships will come to an end, but that's perfect, that's the flow of life, and when you don't resist it you can receive the next things that are on its way to you through that same flow.
I'll leave you with this great video about the same topic based on some research
With love,
Mindi