The evening of the 5th of June brought together ten people for an intimate gathering in central London to celebrate the launch of Tziporah Kingsbury’s latest book, Revolutionizing Intimacy – Navigating Connection in a Disconnected World.
Tziporah, founder of the Soulful Relating Institute, world-renowned transformational leader and innovator in the realms of intimacy and conscious relating, delighted us with her presence and wisdom during her short stay in London.
This article aims to convey the highlights of what turned out to be a truly nourishing evening for the body-mind-heart.
Our curiosity was piqued before the evening began, for the event description spoke of a tantalizing meal to awaken our senses.
After listening to some heart-opening live guitar music performed by Ari Politi, Tziporah’s friends, she invited us to help ourselves from the delicious variety of healthy foods infused with love by the staff at Vantra.
Before the feast began, Tziporah opened the space for a brief discussion on the topic of intimacy.
Intimacy is like life itself penetrating me. I feel everything., she revealed.
Someone spoke of intimacy as being a sense of trust, openness and connection at a deep level, when one is being seen and heard in the entirety of one’s being. Even the word intimacy itself could be playfully translated as meaning into me you see.
Another person noted that intimacy is about slowing down to appreciate the things that we normally don’t have the eyes to see. Slowing down so we can savour every nuance of life’s flavour!
And so we were invited to close our eyes and take the first bite of our food with an increased awareness of its texture, smell and flavour.
So often we eat on the rush, with our minds in a state of constant chatter.
When we don’t take the time to truly listen to our bodies, we may end up eating more than we actually need or eating foods that are not good for our bodies.
Slowing down and truly appreciating every bite was a beautiful exercise which, applied in other activities, could enrich our experience and deepen our relationship with life itself.
Tziporah told us about an encounter she had with an Uber driver the previous day.
He was shocked to hear that she doesn’t drink alcohol. Upon hearing the argument that intoxication prevents her from being fully connected with herself and life, he replied: That’s people drink - because they want to disconnect! Indeed, feeling unfulfilled with life makes some of us want to numb ourselves through addictions, which drives us even further away from examining what it is that makes us unhappy and finding real solutions.
The solution advocated by Tziporah is a deepened sense of presence with ourselves and existence.
Being willing to look deep within ourselves and find nourishment from within, from our desire to live with aliveness and passion. Rediscovering that feeling of being special for ourselves or for someone else, bringing awareness to the places we are usually afraid to look at. Making a commitment to our own state of well-being and self-care.
She even goes so far as to state that solo time is the best practice for foreplay, in order to keep the juices flowing and the fire burning...
During the interview she went on to explain how important it is for each individual to take the courage to dissect the core of who we are and then share it with others.
She boldly stated that no one can break our trust if we are emotionally independent, if we don’t rely on others to get our emotional needs met.
Indeed, it can be easy to get lost in the pain of the wound, going deeper into the abyss of raging emotions when the limbic system is high drive.
What if we instead asked ourselves the question: What has triggered the experience of broken trust?
Getting at the root of the feeling of broken trust requires a shift in perspective, going from you broke our trust to I feel disappointed, sad and angry because I was needing and wanting x y or z. This will set the healing process in a clearer direction for you to take back your power.
When we become clear in our own boundaries and learn how to communicate them in a graceful non-aggressive way, our relationships will improve and we won’t need to project our unmet needs on our partners, in a constant state of dissatisfaction that they are not able to fulfil them for us.
Tziporah approached the subject of conscious decoupling by sharing her experience of how she transitioned from her previous relationship.
That didn’t happen through a sharp severing movement – the umbilical cordon wasn’t cut off straight away, unlike in most relationships. The transition happened gradually, which allowed both parties to reconfigure themselves and their lives in an organic, non-pressurized manner.
Another juicy topic which was explored was our relationship to pleasure and sexuality.
When our sexuality becomes result-oriented, when there is an agenda, the pleasure is gone. When we have certain ideas of how we want to achieve pleasure, we lose touch with the richness of bodily or heart sensations that are always there. Sex thus becomes a mechanical act, and we lose that which we aimed for from the very beginning – a sense of real, genuine connection.
But to feel pleasure means being willing to feel pain as well.
When we experience discomfort, our breath contracts and this constricted breathing becomes chronic for many of us. From her experience in the field of transformational breath work, Tziporah discovered that our conditioned breath pattern holds our entire life story.
That is a powerful statement which holds a great truth. When we begin to examine our breath responses to different life situations, that’s where we can find an entry point to consider making conscious choices for the better.
Instead of stressful contracting, we can work with our breath to bring relaxation and ease, to clear the mind and improve our capacity to make a different choice.
Changing our habitual patterns to embrace more authentic and fulfilling ways of being is not an easy process.
It requires huge amounts of dedication, determination and practice. Tziporah mentioned the notion of Phoenix rising, those painful moments waking us up to the realization that we have to make a change in order to bring more meaning and joy in our lives.
She launched the question How much do you want it?, which struck me like a lighting bold. Yes, indeed! It’s about having a big vision and giving oneself to it 100%, if one truly and deeply desires it. A very empowering and motivational end of the interview and open Q&A.
Tziporah then invites us to find a pair and sit one in front of the other, as she took us on a guided meditation to connect deeply with our breaths and with one another.
Upon opening our eyes, we were asked to simply witness the other. We dropped into a space of pure presence as we shared something from our hearts with our partner.
I paired up with one of my best friends and this exercise felt like a deepening of our connection, as if we both managed to drop some of our barriers and say those things that we wouldn’t normally dare to say.
Without doubt, such exercises remind us of the power of unconditional presence, and the gifts that can emerge from such a space of profound surrender to our authentic feelings and thoughts, without filters and restraints. This is how intimacy occurs. And this is how we make life more meaningful and juicy!
The evening ended with a delightful musical performance.
Everybody took part in the chorus of the song Hallelujah, which melted our hearts and sealed the sacredness of the beautiful gathering. Some of us purchased Tziporah’s book, excited to delve deeper into what she confessed to be such a personal book.
Thank you, Tziporah Kingsbury, for bringing your passion and wisdom to London all the way from Canada.
We will be delighted to welcome you again next year, and to co-create more intimate gatherings where we can explore the things that bring more meaning and value to our lives. We are indeed revolutionizing intimacy, making the world a less disconnected one!
To connect with Tziporah and her work, visit her website http://www.tziporahintimacy.com/
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Bristena