"The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make - not just on your wedding day, but over and over again - and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife."
Barbara De Angelis
My husband and I have been married for a little over a year now. During this time we have gone through various stages of happiness, satisfaction, adaptation and, of course, disagreements.
As much as I would like to say, we are not characters in a romantic comedy, who after a dramatic outcome live happily ever after. We both have our expectations about what a spouse should be or do, precisely because we grew up in different homes with their own dynamics.
Fortunately, we have similar values that we learnt form our parents and that have allowed us to reach agreements and overcome obstacles. And it's precisely in the word "values" where we found the key to our conjugal living.
I remember when I was younger and I listened to my mother and my aunt talk about bad attitudes or reactions from acquaintances. After a while, one of them would say something like: "They where not raised like we were." Bear in mind, we are from Latin America and our culture is very family centered and conservative (although maybe not strictly in the same sense a conservative way of life is understood in the US).
Now I understand what they wanted to say. As people we get along better with those who have a similar upbringing to ours. It's simply because it helps us understand each other and feel at ease. It doesn't mean that it's impossible to form friendships with people who have different values, but it would be much more difficult to forge a bond as strong and deep as marriage is.
Imagine a couple in which one of the two is honest and the other a thief. I don't think it would work, or maybe it would require a lot of effort?
10 Things I Learnt in a Year of Marriage
I don't intend to be an expert in what a marriage is. One year is a short period of time, but now I know that:
- The woman is the happiness of the home. My mother repeated it to me many times until I finally understood. The more relaxed and happy I feel, the more relaxed and happy my husband is. Write it down as a ONE OF THE LAWS OF LIFE.
- Any problem can be solved with 50 kisses. It is impossible to remain upset after giving each other so much love. If you don't believe me, try it when you have a fight with your partner. Of course, I think this advice will not work on issues such as having or not having children.
- Men can be trained to do housework (not to be confused with manipulating). Ma'am, if your husband had a mother who taught him to clean his room and cook, you are in luck because the training will be much simpler. It could happen that when the man is married, he suddenly decides to stop doing his usual household chores. But if with love (and several reminders) he is assigned specific tasks on specific days, you can be certain that at some point he will get used to doing them again. Bear in mind, you will have to remind him once in a while after he starts doing them, because he might forget.
- The best time of the day is when you lie down, embrace each other, and fall asleep. Only surpassed by waking up in a tight hug.
- Everything is much more enjoyable as a couple.
- The importance of having the support and constant protection of a man in a woman's life, different from that of her father.
- To have more patience and put myself in the shoes of another. As much as patience is exercised when you are single, you exercise it a lot more while married. The same applies to understanding the point of view of the spouse.
- About personal finance. I used to say that for me it was better for an office to pay me by paying my landlord, food, electricity, etc. Not by giving me money. I didn't know how to manage it. Now I have had to learn and discovered that, in reality, women are better at managing a home.
- The happiness of your partner is your happiness. When I know that my husband is happy about something, there is nothing in the world that makes me happier.
- It is better to stay at home than to go out. Nothing beats watching a movie with homemade popcorn. NOTHING.
What My Husband Has Learnt
For this post I also asked my husband what he's learnt. This helps add another perspective and we all learn a lot more. He says that he has learnt:
- To have patience.
- That women are emotional beings with ways of thinking that differ from those of men.
- Women dignify, support, give affection and know how to make a man feel good.
- We are a support figure that helps them achieve their goals.
- That upon marrying someone else you gain another family, with different customs that must be accepted, understood, and recognized.
- The value of money, work and family.
- The importance of the family unit.
- To have a girlfriend, lover and life partner, with whom to have future plans.
- That the woman passes the values, beliefs and aptitudes to the children, and that this guarantees the continuity of the species.
- That for him I am a complement of great value.
- That he finally found the true meaning of love.
Hopefully this will be of help to you sometime!
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This content is my own and should only be used with my permission. Image from Pixabay.