If you’ve read my other posts on here , you know a little bit about what i’ve been thru. Well, I’m going to let you in on a little more of my insane life. A lot people in my lifetime have giving up on me . They have walked away from me, or turned their backs on me. This has to be the most painful thing one experiences in life.
As a child, my mom worked two jobs as did my dad. They were very loving in their own way and sacrificed a lot for us kids. They weren’t around much. My siblings and I had to take care of each other and only really felt like we had each other.
My older sister and I really were close. We were inseparable, or so I thought. When she was in high school, she decided that she couldn’t like this strict lifestyle of no dating , responsibilities and not having much of a social life outside of family. So she decided to run away from home.
I cannot explain how horrible this felt. Here I am 4 years younger than her , waiting for her to come home so we can do all the things we did together. To gossip and hang out. She was my best friend.
Long story short, she came back home a day later. It was the longest day of my life at the time. She came back home for a few years, realizing that no one wants to harbor a minor and she couldn’t support herself. A few years later , again she left. This time she moved out of state and found herself a secure position to support herself. Again , I thought she left me . Not only did she leave me, but she destroyed my family. My mother went into depression. My dad didn’t allow anyone to speak to her ( not that she reached out bc she was enjoying her freedom). Worst of all was what she did to me ! She left me again ! She couldn’t stick it out for me? She wasn’t getting abused . She wasn’t longing for anything financially or materialistic. She just had to help out, couldn’t date , and even tho she had friends, they limited how much she was able to hang out. Fine that happened. I learned to live without her.
Years later , I fell in love, or so i thought. The man I loved , was not well liked by my family. They did not want me to be with him. They tried everything to convince me not to be with him. So much so that if I was to be with him, they wanted nothing to do with me. I know they didn’t mean this , but they didn’t talk to me for a long time after I moved out. They turned their backs on me . Yet again ! Someone walked away from me.
My relationship didn’t go as planned. Years later, it didn’t work. The love wasn’t there anymore. He didn’t want to make it work anymore. He didn’t want to try. He gave up on us. He gave up on me.
Finally, I thought I really found true love. I really thought I found unconditional love . And guess what ? He gave up on me too. He just decided one day , he waited enough for me to get my issues in order. He met someone that he could easily be happy with. That in that moment he was happy with. Someone without issues that was real to him.It made him realize that he has to follow his own happiness. Unfortunately that happiness didn’t include me.
It went from talking all day to over a week passes with no conversation. How does that happen? How can you think about someone from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to sleep and then Just walk away ?
So yet again , I get walked away from. Can’t help but think that maybe it’s just me. Why am I so easy to walk away from ? I don’t love easily, but when I do I love wholeheartedly and unconditionally.