People say that what we have is temporary; that it is only a matter of time that the sparks fade away and reality comes crashing down on me.
They tell me that life is not a fairytale. Love is not found easily and things don’t work out on their own.
They tell me that the love that has been found without a struggle, a love like ours, is wrong.
And sometimes, when I am resting on my bed with a pillow clutched to my chest, when sleep refuses to meet my eyes and thoughts in my mind refuse to stop racing, I start thinking too that maybe, this is wrong.
When I am tied up into knots so much that I can’t decide where my happiness ends and yours begins, when my days are brightened up just by your presence, the fear that grips me for having something I might lose makes me want to draw back into the shell I’ve always created around me; the shell you have somehow found the way to get inside.
Sometimes, when I look back on how this started and think of how everyone who hears about this would think it to be a sham, the thought in the back of my mind that this is wrong creeps to the front.
And then I think;
Maybe, we shouldn’t do this.
Maybe, it will never work out.
Maybe, what people say is right;
Maybe, all of this really is wrong.
And when the thinking stops,
it’s the fear that replaces it
Maybe, I am trying to make peace
With something that is wrong.
Maybe, I am hoping too much.
But then, just as my thinking starts to get the better of me, my phone buzzed beside me and my insides do a flip on seeing your name. And for that moment, I know everything is alright. For the next few moments that we talk, my over-thinking self-tries to pinpoint at what I’m feeling until I come to decide that just one phone call has made me exactly what I’m supposed to be – happy.
Yes, maybe they believe that this is wrong.
And I don’t blame them,
because sometimes, even I believe it.
But you tell me,
Yes, you, the one reading this
How can this be wrong for me,
When it’s the only thing that has ever felt right?