Photo by Brigitte Tohm on Unsplash
I am living in Chiang Mai at the moment. I was out with a bunch of girlfriends, and they kept on teasing me, because a good-looking Brazilian man seemed to be interested in me. He was hot, that was a given. And he had a smile that could melt your toes off, if that happened anywhere besides romance novels.
I stood there, looking at him and thinking about him. I poked around in my heart, and in my nether regions to see if any of my body parts perked up at the sight of him.
Nada.
I mean, not even a little twitch.
What is going on with me? It has to be me that is the problem here, because the men here in Chiang Mai are smart, well-travelled, entrepreneurs, non-conformists, and mostly well-spoken. So what the hell is wrong with me? Why don't I feel anything?
Why am I sitting here wondering when I will be able to go back home, and spend time with my laptop and writing?
All I Want To Do Is Create
Nothing entices me anymore. Nothing, except the pure act of creation. I just want to sit all day in my pyjamas, and write words. Only the act of writing makes me come alive anymore.
In the past, I used to be a major nymphomaniac. I spent a lot of my energy, time, and money on chasing after men who weren't as interested in me, or were interested at first, but then lost interest once I became interested. The cycle of modern love, as it seems.
But, now that I have my creative endeavours to take my time, money, and energy, I just don't have anything left over to give to men. I don't have the time for them. Nor the space, mental, or physical. I also don't have the inclination to waste time on something that has only a 50/50 chance, when I could spend time at home creating something that would have a 100% chance of coming to fruition and giving me pleasure.
I Might Be The Uninteresting One
It might be me that's the problem or perhaps, I have had the misfortune to meet only terrible men. Men who are uninteresting, and uninterested in anything, except the physical act of sex.
Sex to me is so much more important and deeper than just the physical act of it. That is pleasurable to be sure, but there is so much more that can be and needs to be experienced for two people to come together in the most powerful of ways.
Most people don't want to see that, or are too lazy to see that, or don't want to be bothered with it.
If I am going to let a man into the sacred space that is me and my body, and spirit, then, there have to be rules laid down. There has to be a certain level of respect and knowledge there, that unfortunately most people (not just men) do not possess.
What do you think of sex and all of its intricacies? Do you think I'm crazy?
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