Last night I was really very worried about my friend. I was crocheting. The room was messy. Seriously, it was my brain that just could not organize thoughts and was clearly evidenced by the state of the room.
I could not stop myself but to worry about my friend. Just few days after New Year's Day, I got a news from our close friend that she is getting married. She and her husband-to-be went to Baguio and that was where they had their engagement party. (Susyal! me engagement pa po talaga) I am afraid that she does not really love the man who happened to be a Korean National. Because this is really the first time that we heard about her having a boy friend. My other friends and I were really shocked for the sudden engagement.
I am afraid she is putting herself to something like mafia wherein her husband is just using her citizenship here in the Philippines. Oh! Blame the action movies I am watching, but she is my friend and I am just worried. Yes I know, we are getting older. In fact, I will be 31 years old this year. The question in my mind is not really "why so sudden" because I also married my husband in a sudden way. But, I love him very much and that I felt I was so desperate that moment in my life that I wanted us to marry the soonest possible time.
And so I asked my friend, "do you really love this guy?". She said she does. "Does this guy love you," another affirmative answer. She said she thinks the man loves her more than she loves him. I then started to tell her that when I was about to marry my husband, I was sure on myself that I will love him for the rest of my life. Our love is not something like he loves me more than I do, or that I love him more than he does. I could not really measure that because what we have as a couple is give-and-take. I did not explain more about this give-and-take thing but she asked me, "you love him just enough?". I then answered her "No. Enough is not the right word. I love him more than enough. If you say enough, I believe you do things just to be fair with him. My love for him, does not exist because I wanted to return or give favor for his feelings for me. BUT I LOVE HIM BECAUSE THAT FEELING COMES FROM INSIDE ME. LOVING HIM IS WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY. That was I bet the very first time I told someone other than my husband how I feel as his wife. Our conversation ended when she was starting to say korean words and I had to tell her that "Ah! Nosebleed!".
It felt good having conversation with her. Not because I knew now that her husband-to-be loves her so much. That gave me a relief. I am in fact happy for both of them. It felt good in the end because I felt I share something special about me, my love for my husband and the way we love each other. I hope then that may those words be her guide when she gets married.
My married life was not perfect. For 5 years of marriage, I realized there is no perfect relationships. Those are just for dreamers. Hubby and I did everything to make our relationship work may it be LDR or not. What relation we have as husband and wife now is the result of couple of years of encouragement, sharing and acceptance, and above all, LOVE OF GOD. And I continuously pray, may God always guide our family. =)