Why do people argue more with their loved ones than a stranger?
Without being too psychological about it, here is a possible reason.:
The more you are emotionally invested in someone, the more your brain shuts down your ability to empathise with them.
For example, If I walked into your office and received a cold treatment from you, meeting you for the first time, I’m likely to empathise with you. For example, I might try to consider other possible reasons why you might have treated me the way you did. I could imagine that you are probably dealing with a family issue, maybe work related stress; I just basically come up with excuses for you.
I wouldn’t go all day ruminating on the cold treatment I received from you because I’m not emotionally invested in you.
But if I received the exact same treatment from someone I’m emotionally invested in, I’m more likely to ruminate on it the whole day and even make an issue out of it without considering the same factors I considered with the stranger I met initially.
So it’s probably worth asking yourself this question: why do I shut my brain down when it comes to someone I love? Why can’t I empathise with him/her like I would a stranger.
So when next your loved one does something hurtful to you, take a moment and empathise with him/her like you would a stranger; this is difficult though. Consider other possible reasons why he appeared snappy or irritable around you, assume he/she could be dealing with something like you would a stranger.
Overtime, you strengthen your ability to act in a mentalised way, irrespective of who you are dealing with. This exercise builds your confident, it helps you address challenges, it reduces regrets because you would be less spontaneous & it’s a really good way of minimising argument between you and your loved ones.
> Remember, there is nothing quite attractive as someone in complete control of his/her emotions.