If you've found yourself no longer in love with your spouse, I hope that you find this useful.
You will do well to pay attention to these next words:
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Love is a choice.
I will repeat, love-is-a-choice. It’s not a pit that you fall into. It is not an arrow piercing your unsuspecting heart. It’s a decision you make.
Sorry to break it to you, but it's not a one-off decision made only on the wedding day, it’s one you have to get up and make every day. It’s a commitment, which draws considerable strength, but it’s well worth it.
If you think you no longer “love” your spouse, you are probably confusing Love with passion. As a dear friend would say, Passion is the pit that you fall into, the fire that gets kindled and rekindled.
Unfortunately, this heartbreaking mistake is typical. Years of Mills & Boon and of watching romantic movies, the chickens finally come home to roost.
Passion is what makes you look at your spouse in adoration, it’s what attracts you to her, what makes your heart skip, it’s all the dopamine rushing through your brain. It is profound, but often transient, lacking the unwavering devotion of Love.
Love gives the strength to work through your relationship, to stand by your spouse through the favourable and through the unpleasant cycles of life, and to stay with them even when they are totally unlikable and loving them is a burden physically, emotionally and financially.
Love is the only thing that has the inherent power to make a relationship last.
If you mistake passion for love and abandon years of enduring Love for a momentary lack of passion, you will likely look back on it with regret for the rest of your life.
I want to encourage you not to give up on your marriage. The solution is in you. Choose to love your spouse.