14 years later, I’m still suffering from the trauma, omg 😔
Yo, have you ever been stuck on a past traumatic event that leaves you fixed and you just don’t know how to let go?
This is legit a true life story of a 15yr old whose parents overprotective acts have left her swimming in an unnecessary pool of trauma for 14yrs on gawwd 😔..
OK, let’s dance….
I was 15 and had decided to have sex with Fred, my 18yr old boyfriend.
After countless pressure from friends and my guy, I thought it was time..
We decided to link up on a Wednesday. Dad was a pastor and mum, a deaconess. That day was always their prayer meetings. What an opportunity to explore our bullshit, how sweet..
My lil sister was only 13 and wouldn’t be a problem to dump at home while I hook up with Fred for a few minute. “Sex wouldn’t take more than 5mins anyways“, I thought to myself, holy shit.
Hey, we two had a plan to link up the Sunday before the scheduled Wednesday, but yo, our plans went fucking dust..
Ayyye, that day, we finished the Sunday service and dad was still busy counseling members that had some shits or the other to deal with. Mum was also engaged, having a women’s meeting and lil sister was engaged in some youth drama rehearsals. Yo, mum asked me to go home to make some food. What a good day to execute the long awaited plans, fuuck…
I got home. While cooking, I decided to have my bath. I finished bathing and was only trynna get myself wrapped in a towel when I had a soft bang on the door, it was Fred, dammmn..
Yo, I faked a smile to welcome him. “I saw you coming from church alone and just wanted to say hi”, he said. He resided with his big brother in his apartment right behind ours. He stepped into the room, I was still wrapped in my towel and was feeling rather very uncomfortable. We had made out several times before and I trusted him a lot..
He offered to help with some of the activities I was down with. Hey, few minutes later, I was feeling rather too insecure, so I asked him it was time to get on his way. He agreed and then asked if our rendezvous was still on. I confirmed by throwing a nod and my baby requested for a goodbye kiss and hey, 5mins later, we were still on the couch making out, sweet memories on gawwd..
Yooo, we heard a loud bang on the door, what a bad way to end a sweet show😔 😔
My tongue went dry like an ocean in a spontaneously generated desert giving up it’s wetness and fresh greens..
It was Fred’s big brother, he legit caught us in the act. I’d keep wondering till tomorrow how that nigga knew my house though..
He dragged his lil brother off, beat him up right there in my presence and he done gave me a dirty look. What a bad name I’ve just earned myself omg..
I thought it was over until later that evening. We were having a round table family dinner and someone suddenly bumped into the house like a car that lost it’s control on a highway. Yo it was Fred’s uncle, deeead..
He exchanged pleasantries with dad and mum, excused my dad from the table and yo, the two stepped out to have a tête-à-tête.
The dryness in my tongue, the mild tachycardia, the few minutes hypertensive state and the tremors in my limbs are some events that would remain in my head till the day I bid farewell to the face of the earth 😔 😔..
Hey, few minutes later after the devil had visited, my dad stormed into the dining and rage was written all over his face as he charged towards me. Before I could utter a word to explain, his 30kg blows rained on me.
My mum screamed in confusion, she had no slight idea what was going on, she trynna interfere and she got her own share of the hell as a stool landed on her forehead, damn..
My dad had beaten me in the past. He abused me both physically and emotionally that I sometimes doubted he was my dad..
He was a reputable pastor that believed I should legit be someone who other youths should look up to, expected I should be perfect and all that, holy shit. In summary, I got hit for any slight mistake.
Fast forward, I went half dead for days, couldn’t talk and stuff.
There came the time when I was supposed to have my monthly menstrual period but yo, shit refused to show. Apparently, it was missed as a result of the trauma I had suffered but my parents got it bad once more..😔 😔
My mum asked me why this was so. Well, my voice had no enough oil to ignite, I couldn’t utter a word. Sadly, they done concluded I was pregnant..
Heyyyyyy, my dad yelled at me, called me a big disgrace and beat me up some more, I died on gawd..😔
Yo, on this fateful morning, my mama took me on a four hour journey to link up with a woman. I thought I was being relocated to a new environment anyways. But damn I thought wrong..
We landed in our destination and yo, this huge ugly-looking woman suddenly appeared to attend to me. I was immediately asked to strip naked and lay on her unfortunately constructed table. Even though I didn’t understand what was going on, I obeyed every damn instruction..
Ayye, while I was laying like a cadaver on this half wrecked table, that strange woman asked me to spread my legs wide. She brought out some dead ass looking rod made of steel. I became scared immediately I set my eyes on that shit, I struggled to fight off those niggas holding me down but hey, I was powerless..
“We remove babies“, she said, as she gently inserted the steel into my vagina, she kept penetrating deeper until I felt the most excruciating sharp pain ever. It felt like a thunder strike flashing all through my soul, I screamed so hard my voice was heard in Jupiter, bullshit 😔
“Aarrrrghhh, she’s a virgin”, the so called baby remover screamed. Till today, I have no idea why my mum had to take me that far, like why the fuck was she an option to run to?
The ride back home was quiet, I was crying silently, I cried my eyeballs almost remove from their sockets.
Hmmm, it has been 14 long freaking years ago now. I talk to my parents, visit them once in a blue moon and all that. But honestly, I hate them with passion, especially my dad, he ruined my life..
My life would have taken a different shape if he had allowed me explain myself that fateful Sunday..
I’m now damaged on gawwd, I can’t be in a functional relationship. I actually can’t boast of any lasting relationship I’ve had over the years.
I remained a virgin till my third year in the University and when I eventually had sex, it was damn unbearable to me anyways. Even the thought of a dick penetrating alone pierces my soul like a sharp object going through a naked skin, fuuuck..
Hey, I noticed overtime I can’t stand a penetration. I feel the woman steel piercing me anytime I trynna have shit to do with sex.
Yo, my last boyfriend dumped me because he said I used to make him feel he was raping the hell out of me. He was right anyways. I always feel the steel penetrating instead and I wouldn’t help yelling..
I need some help. I’ve tried counseling books, prayed, consulted experts in psychology and psychiatry but yo, I’m getting slowly ruined with this trauma, my problem is still left unsolved.
I know I really need to dump my anger, forgive myself and my parents and stuff but trust me, that shit’s harrrrd…
Please help, I really need your advice. I’m scared I’m gon remain this way till eternity...
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