Have you been in love before?
“I've been in love before. It is like a narcotic. At first, it brings the euphoria of complete surrender. The next day, you want more.” Page 54, by the river piedra I sat down and wept, a beautiful masterwork of Paulo Coelho.
I spent my whole Saturday wallowing on my bed and at every corner of my room. I was drawn by the story of pushing and pulling love until you've decided that you will do everything and fight to death just to be with the love of your life. Who wouldn't do that? This is an auspicious moment as I will walk you through the 3 phases of falling in love.
Phase 1, Everything is under control. No need to overthink. As long as you are happy and the sensation feels right, it is okay!
It was two in the morning and for the longest time, I have felt again the youthful exuberance of endless late-night phone calls. I know, this blissful moment was very special for it is rare to find someone who has the same depth of thoughts as yours. I found someone whom I have that great sense of gusto to unravel the mystery of his personality. He is someone who matches my need for great conversation.
A much as I wanted to be detailed on how to find someone who will capture your interest, I couldn't. I believe that meeting special people in our lives is like magic. It is something that you cannot capture or document. It is something that you didn't expect. It is something that has been there with you for quite some time until that moment came when you realized that your relationship is somewhat important - a very special one.
The guy I am talking about, I don't love him like the romantic one. I can still control my feelings. If one day, I would lose him on the way, maybe he finds someone better, it is okay. I wish him all the best for I know that he is not mine to hold and I am happy on my own.
No matter how I deny it, fate just leads me to phase 2. This is when the sensation becomes always and you begin to be completely dependent on him. As my favorite author describes it, “You think about him for three hours and forget him for two minutes.”
Days became weeks and weeks became months. One night, I was rushing home for I couldn't contain the happiness I have felt all throughout the day.
I had the best first formal date ever. Formal is like a secret code for "I like you". Let's put some malice, I would love too. Someone drove sixteen kilometers just to fetch me. I want that day to be as normal as possible, so no extravagant preparation happened on my end. As I was looking for his car, there I found it. He went out of his car and walked towards me. It felt like everything else was frozen and I could only see him. He walked me to his car, opened the door and let me in. That moment, no blood was running through my veins. It was all kilig and butterflies doing exhibition inside my stomach.
Darn! he was so handsome and the most gentleman I’ve ever known. The rest of the day was history. We did a lot of activities, talked about endless topics and sang a song in his car. We've been together all day but never I felt being taken advantage of. We never held hands but the symphony was present. It was as if our hearts knew each other for the longest time.
(Deep breath) Looks like I’m on my way to phase 3! This phase is when you realized that, NOTHING is under control! You get addicted to that person and you are willing to do anything for love.
I believe that life is so short to be afraid of the things that might hurt you. But it is not wrong to be sure though. We cannot predict the future. All we can do is to live the present completely and let the future do its thing.
To live, we have to be brave to show the world who we are, how we feel and what we love. I am still afraid that I might get hurt, to realize that I've created my grave and buried myself. This what makes our story colorful anyway.
People might not love us back. It might not be successful after all. But just live and let it go. See what stays. As I end, I would like to leave you with this beautiful quote from Paulo Coelho.
"Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned, perhaps she won't suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow. So, this is your heritage: the certainty that you have wasted your life."
Are you in love? Because I think I am.