When you look at people like legendary investor Warren Buffett, or even comic book writer Stan Lee, you may wonder how are these people living for so long? But don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying they shouldn’t live any longer! Although Stan Lee recently died at 95 years old—which is quite impressive if you consider how lively he was at his different cameos in almost all of Marvel’s movies—he didn’t seem that old compared with other people. On the other hand, Warren Buffett is also famous for his terribly unhealthy diet (which essentially consists of junk food and soda, especially from places like McDonald’s, where he likes to have breakfast most of the time). What are their secrets?
You don’t need to keep looking around. Their secret is simply this: happiness.
You can easily notice this reality by just looking at their faces. It signals a relaxed way of dealing with life, and a stress-free perspective on their routine.
The natural question is, therefore, how do you become happier? Isn’t that just the product of genetics and the environment?
Well, in part yes, but mostly, no.
Harvard University has been conducting a study titled “Harvard Study of Adult Development”, under the direction of Robert Waldinger. It consisted on studying 724 men for over 78 years to determine, among other things, what are the key factors, or the key variables involved in happiness for people, or what are the actions that best guide people towards a successful and meaningful life.
It turns out that the study concluded four important truths that determine whether a person will be happy in the future, or not.
One of them, mostly out of our control, lies in our childhood. Staying happy while being a child, and being connected to your parents and those around you, is directly correlated with the quality of your future relationships and how warm are they going to be. In fact, this can have transcendental consequences that can be felt even decades later when you reach your late adulthood. Having a bad childhood was found to be a key factor determining a difficult midlife, though.
But not everything is bad. The second finding concludes that, by engaging in what some psychologists call “generativity” (i.e., successfully guiding the next generation and their interests by contributing with your experience and expertise), can counteract those possible negative effects from your childhood and provide you with lots of meaning and happiness in your 50s and 60s. Becoming a parent and guiding your own child can be considered as applying “generativity” as well, but you should try to teach others too.
Third, and very important, some techniques and ways of dealing with stress (coping with it, more precisely) have a very important role in your happiness level, as well as the size of your brain. Trying to cope with stress isn’t totally helpful in itself: there’s some statistics involved, in the way that, if you cope with stress, this would make it easier for other people to help you and your chances of receiving social support become higher. Some of the recommended techniques for dealing with stress, according to Waldinger’s study include sublimation, altruism, and suppression; while denial, acting out, and projection, are not suggested at all and can be detrimental for your psyche and your ability to endure stress.
Finally, and the most important factor of this list, is the amount of time spent with others, as well as the quality of your relationships. You see, if Waldinger had to summarize his study he’d say that “good relationships keep us happier and healthier, and loneliness kills”. What really makes people proud in their oldest ages are the moments they spent with those around them: the ability to connect and show your rough edges’ to each other. Having a spouse or a partner was also very beneficial to cope with life’s vicissitudes, and the unfortunate realities of becoming older.
In summary, next time you see a happier old man, remember these lessons and try to apply them in your daily life. Try to connect more with those working with you, studying with you, or living with you. Try to relax more, to focus in the present, and stop worrying too much about the future and about problems, because, as Roman Stoic philosopher Seneca once said: “We suffer more in imagination than in reality”.