“I love you!” a five-year-old boy sitting on the bench dressed in full karate uniform shouted out to his friend. His father’s forehead wrinkled up. “You don’t say ‘I love you’ to people that aren’t in your family,” he said in a hushed voice.
Somewhere there is a line between you shouldn’t throw those words around so that they keep their special meaning and you should say what you feel. And then, to make the line a little less clear, the pronoun we can be thrown in, as in we love you, which is far less intense than I love you. It sort of passes the buck, you know? Oh no, it’s not just me—I’m not the only weirdo professing my love—WE love you.
A cute little bee inside a candy box - I love him.
In Case You Hadn’t Guessed, This Came Up Recently
I was standing outside my son’s karate class. It is the same dojo he has been at for seven years, and with the same instructor. I’ve spent an hour+ three days a week at this place for the last seven years, so I’ve had plenty of time to get to know the head instructor. He’s got an outwardly cocky demeanor, as pretty much every martial arts aficionado does, but I’ve had plenty of time to learn the softer innards. We are friends—not ones that text each other at midnight or get coffee on Saturday mornings, but friends nonetheless.
He is licking up the sugar underneath him. How tidy. I do love him.
I had just finished walking my dog during my son’s class, and had stopped at the window to peek in. The instructor was running the class in his usual manner, but the energy seemed to drain out of him when he stepped out through the back door onto the quiet side street where I stood. He had suffered a recently loss, and as it does for everyone, it had shaken his equilibrium.
His brown eyes looked pained. The usual spunk in his expression was gone, leaving just a sedate look. My dog, who dislikes men, did not even react because of his completely nonthreatening energy.
What do you say to someone that is depressed? It isn’t something ripe for advice. So I just said what I was thinking—We love you.
And really, we do. I do. Given that instructors and coaches spend sometimes years with the children on their teams and in their classes, to a small degree they are raising our children. We’d better love them.
His face brightened instantly, and therefore I have no regrets, although maybe it’s a bit inappropriate for a married woman to say that to a man that isn’t in her family, especially if using a singular pronoun. Then again, maybe not. Maybe as we age the definition of family expands a bit. I think I’ve got room to adopt someone in that has been around a while and proved his worth.
I’m going to let the phrase fall out of my mouth when it is fitting, striking a balance somewhere in-between don’t throw the words around and say what you feel.
Maybe I will even use a singular pronoun. And no take-backs.