About the side effects of the emancipation of women in Germany
I'm a man
Not only physically. I mean I feel like a man. Ha ha ha. O.k. We understood that. Well then tell us what a man feels like. Oh, my Godness. I would have preferred to shut up. Now everyone is watching. Did I say something I should not have said? Or worse. Did I make a fool of myself? What else should I have said? Should I have said that I think that Queers are o.k.? Well among politically right-wing people I would not have said that. But since I have nothing to do with right-wing people and that certainly remains the case in the future that does not really matter. So I like queers. I do not really know what that is. But if someone feels like a cross why not. But how does a cross feel and may a person in the way say that he or she feels like a cross, or does he or she feels saying something wrong when telling "I feel like a cross."? I do not think so. In any case, in circles where I move they do not have to. And a woman does not have to also and it is good as it is. Great. If the others are allowed to, then I may as well. So I am a man. ... and again this feeling that people are watching. Somehow everyone is allowed to do everything here but not me. But why not? Why do I have to explain myself while others do not have to although in my view not even one of three knows what someone else means when he indicates his gender.
Something is wrong here
But where does this feeling that I am not allowed to express myself freely actually comes from even though everyone, including me, is so tolerant? I got an idea. Could it be that the term "masculinity" has been abused too often in the past? Especially by people who marched in lockstep and made sure that many German cities no longer have a historic center and today are assigned to the right-wing political camp? I'll leave it that way. An indication that this might matter is given by the behavior of those who are positioned on the exact opposite side of the right-wing camp. I can not help myself. But representatives of the left-wing camp often seem overly masculine to me. So much so that I do not know where to look for anything comparable.
Representatives of this camp often appear as a pack organized hierarchically and sometimes even aggressively against anyone who does not share their own ideas of tolerance. Sometimes they are less aggressive. For example in discussions against the gentrification of a neighborhood. But always as a group which as soon as it enters the room and also quite for a while after leaving left it filled with testosterone. The archetype of masculinity that fights exactly what he represents as hardly anyone else. They now wear the fashion that was introduced by the women a few years ago and which consists of wearing a pair of shorts over a pair of long tights in combination with sneakers. The old feminine is the new masculine. You just can not say it.
There are always extremes
If the phenomenon were limited to these circles it would certainly not have been noticed and here instead would be any other article. Unfortunately, it is not like that. Anyone who feels as a man in Germany and would like to say that must be well prepared. He has to expect that people look strange that he will be ridiculed and that he has to bring good arguments. If you can not do that you better shut up. Now the people from the Third Reich or their left counterpart probably cannot be alone guilty. For while the Nazis in Germany had disappeared quickly after the war patriarchalism in Germany continued for quite some time. What raises the question is it perhaps because of that? I honestly do not know that much about this topic. It would be super cool and certainly unbelievably convincing if I could explain at this point any dates and the social and political context. I can not.
All I can say is that for a while I was ashamed of being a man. The whole thing was triggered by the fact that by a flood of articles and reports that went through the media in the years just before the breakthrough of the Gender Studies. Their message can be described best by: "Men are unshaved, sexually aggressive and to make things worse they have bad marks at school.". Poison for an already lanky, pale youth, whose father showed him his idea of what a real man is and who was refused by the army because of his asthma. What salvation it was when the GEO-Magazine published an article revealing that men are not stupider than women and that in the context of equality in the 1970s girls were promoted in schools but at the same time one had forgotten that boys who would later become men also have gender-specific needs that need to be addressed so that they are not lived out in places where nobody wants them. Other articles with titles such as: "The new men", "Now we come!" or just "Boys!" followed shortly after that. Balm for a broken man's soul.
Cover of GEO-Magazin March 2003 / Title: Boys. Will they be the troubled children of our nation?
Nevertheless
The damage is done. That the uncertainty among a not inconsiderable part of the German men is quite large shows also in my circle of acquaintances. A good friend who is a bit older than me but has an incredible knack for fascinating the female once told me that he is wondering because today the young people are no longer having sex. Every now and then one can find similar statements in the media. For example when the Spiegel-Magazin published an interview entitled "German Men Are Only Watching" (Ger: Deutsche Männer gucken nur.). After reading this article I started to ask women in my international circle of friends what they say about this. I was astonished to find that its correctness has been confirmed almost universally.
I also recognize that German men often have no girlfriend while the rest of the men in the circles in which I traffic on the weekend, be it Japanese, Russians, Chinese, Spaniards, Argentines, and God knows what more, can be observed in the company of a woman much more often. It is obviously due to the Germans. Whereby it is not clear whether it is only because of the German men, or that the behavior of the German women is also involved in the general uncertainty.
Something that confirms the assumption that the phenomenon of uncertain men and is not only due to men is the fact that there are women of non-German origin and whose emancipation has not progressed so far, often present a completely different flirting behavior, which signals that it's not only o.k. that the man takes the first step, but that it is desired and that it is o.k. that a man shows what a woman makes her being interested in a man. Masculinity.
A similar phenomenon as it is now in Germany was observed at the end of the 70's to the beginning of the 90's as women in the US began to claim their rights more and more and tried new and unfamiliar roles. Recognizable are these new roles in the music videos of the time in which not only men but also women wear suits with shoulder pads and short hair. An absolute novelty. Couple therapists of that time reported frequently that men complained that they did not find a wife as all women had turned to so-called "ball busters". Women of that time, in its turn, complained that they did not find a husband too since they only find wimps. A female friend of my brother traveling around the world recently left Germany for good for exactly the same reason.
What is the reason for it
It is possible that this negative attitude towards masculinity is the counterreaction to the still prevailing abuses in German society. While there is still an imbalance in the economy and politics to the detriment of women when it comes to the understanding of gender roles in the minds of a whole generation it is just turning right to the opposite. It shows that anyone who says in Germany that he is a man has to explain and what then results in the uncertainty that creates a whole generation of singles. Just as the women had to fight for their deserved place in society and still have to fight for it men have to prove that they too have the right and are worth it to be recognized. Not so much in the old worn-out tracks of politics or the economy but in the Heads of the new generation.
It's the time for a new masculinity
Tummy in, chest out and head straight. Masculinity does not mean to patronize others and to be served on the other hand. It stands for saying what one thinks, and in return, listening to others. Being a man does not mean being in control of everything at all times or knowing understand everything. To be a man means not only to have the strengths but also to have weaknesses to allow them and still not to moan. It means to support his partner and o.k. let it be if you need support yourself. And it's also about being able to approach a woman to tell her that she likes you and to accept it if it just stays with a nice conversation.
And girls they exist. Men who can do all the things mentioned above and more. Men who listen and who do the laundry themselves. Men which may cook or may not. With beards with muscles or without. Men who want to carry the garbage outside and want to spend an evening only with buddies on the way and bring you breakfast to bed the next day. Men who like to set the tone and at the same time are grateful when they are occasionally taken from their hands and who are just waiting for you to give them a sign.
If everyone understands that the year can begin. A year with more flirting, more togetherness, more love and more tolerance. For transgender, cross, women and men, in Germany and all countries all over the world.
Image source: Buchfreund.de
Guest author: einsundnull
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