t can be frustrating when you feel like your parents are treating your siblings better than you. Before you get too upset, though, recognize that you and your sibling have different interests, hobbies, and skills, and might need to be parented differently. In cases of clear and obvious preferential treatment, try to show your parents their behavior and share how it makes you feel. Heal yourself of the emotional scars you might have after being treated badly by your parents, and seek counselling if necessary.
Responding to Parental Favoritism
Understand the variation within relationships.[1] Since we’re all different, nobody relates to any two people in exactly the same way. In some cases, a parent might seem to show favor to your sibling. In other cases, or from another point of view, your parent might appear to favor you. It is unrealistic to expect any parent to be completely fair and even-handed in their treatment of you and your sibling.
However, there is no excuse for systematic and repeated favoritism of one child over another.
Before tackling the issue with your parents, ask yourself whether you're sure your siblings are really being treated better. Sure, they might receive something "extra" in one area of life, but you might receive that kind of special attention in another area. If this is the case, your parents might not really be showing your sibling preferential treatment, but are rather just acknowledging that you and your sibling are two different people with unique wants and needs.
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Stand up for yourself. It’s important to communicate to your parents how you feel when they treat your other siblings better than they treat you.[2] Be honest about your feelings. Whether you’re an adult still dealing with the impact your parents’ behavior had on you or a kid trying to improve your situation, talking to your parents about how they treated your sibling better than they treated you is important.
Try starting the conversation by saying something like, "Mom and Dad, I've been thinking a lot about this lately and I need to talk to you about not feeling as important as John."
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Be assertive but not aggressive.[3] Find a quiet moment when you can talk to your parent about their behavior without anyone else interrupting. Say, for instance, “I’m really hurt by the way you’re treating me compared to my sibling.”
Avoid confrontational “you” statements (like “You don’t care about me”) and focus on your feelings with “I” statements (like “I’m hurt by the way I’m being treated”).
Cite specific examples to illustrate your point. For example, you could continue the conversation by saying, "It seems like you go to all John’s football games, but you only went to one of my volleyball games last season. Why is that?”
Finish with a direct request such as, "I really want you both to attend at least three of my at home games this season. I feel that is only fair."
If you can’t think of specific instances where your parents treated you poorly relative to how they treated your sibling, start looking for these occasions and write them down over the course of a few days. Then, when you’re armed with evidence, talk to your parents about the situation.
Be honest when expressing your feelings.
Don’t get into an argument. If your parents get angry or upset with you, don't fight them. Stay calm and excuse yourself from the conversation if you don’t think you’re making progress or if you feel too frustrated. Don’t blow up, cuss them out, and call them names. Instead, maintain a level tone and speak slowly. Choose your words with care.[4]
If you feel upset by the conversation, then try taking a break and do some deep breathing. Try saying something like, “I will be right back. I just need a few minutes.”
You might have to talk to your parents more than once about this issue. If they are unwilling to listen the first time you bring it up, try again some other time.
Stay focused on the subject. Don’t let your parents turn the conversation around on you or excuse their actions.
Don’t expect your parents to change.[5] In the best-case scenario, you parents will realize that they’ve been treating you badly compared to your siblings and resolve to change. But they might not agree with your view, even if you draw attention to their favoritism. They might deny showing preferential treatment, or might admit that they show preferential treatment and try to justify it. In this case, prepare for frustration and unhappy feelings.
Remember, you cannot change other people. You can only change yourself.
https://www.wikihow.com/Deal-with-Parents-Treating-Other-Siblings-Better
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