I asked this question on quora "why are you still single?" here are the top five answers from my readers:
UNKNOWN:
Steven de Guzman, studied at De La Salle University
Steven a student of De la Salle University gave hes reason why he remain single
It is better to be single than be trapped in with the wrong person. A single person can have more time for reading books, exercise, movies, attending classes, hanging out with friends. It's worth compromising all these only with the right person.
I am from a family with a lot of failed relationships in a country that doesn’t have divorce. I can be more pessimistic about making relationships work. Is it a huge problem for the Philippines to be the only country which bans divorce? And why?
I am conditioned with the idea that there's almost no way out if it doesn't work in the end. Growing up in a country with no divorce, I probably see marriage more seriously.
I need more financial stability. I am not from a rich family and I am so close to being the breadwinner, particularly considering that my mom is about to retire. On top of their failed relationships, my siblings also have failed life decisions (e.g., having kids from a marriage that didn't work out, not having a meaningful career that can support the kids). I don't mind letting my siblings suffer the consequences of their past, but it is difficult for me to see that my nieces/nephews suffer the consequences of their parent's decisions.
I am a nerdy person. I would rather have few close friends than many acquaintances.
I am poor at picking signals. Normally, it's my friends who notice random strangers who check me out.
John Morris, works at Ventura
There are a large number of circumstances, situations, and consequences that all overwhelmingly feed the core problem:
I have a detrimental lack of self-confidence in social situations, a poor self-image, and some legitimate (though easily remedied if I put in some effort) appearance issues.
That’s a pretty brutal combination for a male in their teens and early twenties in the United States dating culture. Even moreso when its reinforced by other choices and situations.
For reference, as of this writing, I just turned 27 a few days ago. I have never been on a date or had anything in the romance department more than one-sided crushes all my life.
Reinforcements to the Core Problem
I am significantly overweight now, and had appalling acne, inflamed and supplemented by seborrheic dermatitis, as a teenager. If I were to lose weight now, I think I would be fairly handsome. But the weight is most certainly a huge turn-off for many women, and, more crucially, a massive blow to my self-image and self-confidence. Unfortunately, losing weight is something I’ve been battling for 5 years now with only temporary success.
I had crippling social anxiety through my early twenties. As in it was a minor miracle my heart never exploded or I didn’t vomit at even the most benign of social interactions. When your brain locks up in social scenarios, good luck getting a date. On three separate occasions during adolescence, some friends I had at the time arranged a one-on-one conversation with the then crush I had. These did not go well. I’ve mostly beaten this (phone calls remain my last significant anxiety point), but who I am was basically forged in social isolation and anxiety. My first instinct is not to talk to someone, to share information, or to hold a conversation. I am now capable of doing those things, but my first instinct is invariably to recoil into my head and avoid socialization.
I often like being alone. I would be perfectly happy being alone 80% of the time. Another 10% is easily satisfied by simply being in the vicinity of people, without interacting with them. I wouldn’t mind far more interaction than that with the right person, but I don’t have a burning need to go out and socialize. I am as introverted as introverts get. I have definitely taken this too far, and reached the point where that missing 10% is agony. But for much of my life, it wasn’t agony; at most, it was a little bit sad every once in a while.
My qualities are not highly in demand in my age bracket. Right about now, the pendulum is swinging my way. But as a teenager and college age, being smart, nerdy, loyal, stable, affectionate, were not what most girls/women were looking for. That’s not to say no girls and young women like those traits. But they are fewer.
A long-term goal that was not conducive to relationships until fairly recently, and still isn’t feasible. The ultimate relationship for me ends in marriage, a house in the suburbs, a few kids, and the rest of our lives spent together. Anything else has never much appealed to me. Those girls/women who share this long-term goal, usually want to live their lives a little first, and don’t look for this kind of relationship until they have attained their goals. And to this day, I am not in a financial or life position to support a family at any stage.
I loathe the dating and hookup culture that has pervaded each stage of my age bracket. I’m one of those weird guys who won’t have sex with someone on a first date. Hell… won’t have sex with someone until a meaningful intimate relationship is in place. The thought of the first stages of dating are more stressful than fun. The idea of chatting up random women with horrible pickup lines makes me cringe. I look around at my peers utterly confused at how they find the lifestyle they’re living and is foisted on us by media tolerable, much less fun. I would not touch Tinder with a 10-foot pole.
Most of my life has included isolation from peers. I began college early (14 years old). I was homeschooled for junior highschool and highschool. My coworkers are almost exclusively retirees. Now I find myself still a college student, older than most college students. Given that I have always been attracted to girls and women roughly my same age, not being around girls and women my same age has been problematic.
I’ve spent the last 7 years or so in various stages of depression. Lack of self-confidence, poor self-image, and depression. That makes me a joy to be around and is a great way to prevent yourself from seeking out relationships.
Most relationships of those I know best aren’t great. Marriages and long-term relationships in my extended family is rife with divorce, death, and toxicity. Even my parents, who are one of the best examples are going through a rocky time. While I still yearn for a long-term, stable relationship, and I still believe good ones are possible, I have a large collection of bad relationships, relationships that ended in agony for the widower remaining, relationships that suck the soul out of the participants, and other similar fates that makes me a little skittish.
I recognized all of the above early and decided to focus elsewhere. I knew I was going to have a poor love life for the foreseeable future at 15 years old. Rather than crash against the rocky shores of ineptitude, and the subsequent loneliness, I opted to focus on something else. I focused on school. It turned out I focused on it too much, which caused a number of problems reinforcing all of the above, but that’s a story for another answer. I have relentlessly focused on school since then, with most of my spare time going toward work, hobbies that function as poorly paying work, or simply crashing in front of the TV or video games to recharge.
None of the items listed above, or others I may have forgotten about or neglected, are insurmountable obstacles to a relationship and dating. However, unless someone is extremely lucky, overcoming them requires one or more of the core attributes that I do not have: self-confidence, a reasonably positive self-image, or great looks. Only recently have I reached this conclusion and started trying to improve where I can.
Sanhita Agarwal
Because I never found someone who deserves me!
Now this doesn't mean that I'm an extraordinary person who comes from a very high class family, is filthy rich, surprisingly beautiful and extremely talented.
I'm an ordinary person who comes from a middle class family, is average looking and not so talented, but my problem is that I'm a very practical, yet very emotional person. Now, trust me, this is a RARE combination and is very dangerous.
I grew up in an environment where I always had to go extra miles to prove myself. Initially I was this innocent girl who knew nothing about the cruel world out there and it's ugly reality. I considered every person as genuine and real, as I'm, but oh dear lord, such a big mistake it was.
So, for years, I kept on dealing with fake people who had double standards and were wearing this mask that helps hiding their real face.
The little girl in me, who grew up watching Titanic movie and dreaming about a perfect love fairytale where the prince is truly madly in love with his princess and always takes care of her, started meeting with people who were obsessed with the idea of love and have absolutely no clue about what love is.
For them, it was something that can be called FUN, just that! Nothing more than that.
For me, love means fun too, but it's a lot more than that. For me, it means knowing the dreams of my guy. Knowing what he likes and what he hates. It's about knowing what expectations he is holding from his life and how having me in his life will make a difference.
I wanted to connect more. I wanted to know more about the person I was with. I wanted to travel the road of his childhood with him where I can see whether he loved cricket more or football. I wanted to know if he realises the difference between having parties to chill out or sitting near a beach with me to have a conversation.
I never found that someone who could kiss my forehead and tell me that he was equally proud of myself.
No, I can't compromise with any of the above. It's better to be single than being in a meaningless relationship.
Ashish Bhattarai, Lifelong Adolescent
The combination of following traits and conditions seems to have doomed me to be the forever alone guy.
I flow solo. I am a hardcore introvert. Since I am more than perfectly content being by myself, I don’t tend to pursue a relationship easily.
I am an aromantic. I am unable to fathom love in a romantic way. Not that I am incapable of wishing well for, supporting and caring about another human being but I feel contempt for the nobility of romance depicted in media.
I had a chaotic childhood. I think I‘ve been psychologically impacted by complex and unconventional relationship dynamics between my parents. This has made me hypersensitive about choosing a partner.
I am a strongly opinionated liberal contrarian. This has cost me some valuable relationships and left some potential ones aborted. This, I need to work on.
THOSE ARE SOME AMAZING ANSWERS FROM MY READERS..
THANKS.
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