I don't know much of what to say anymore. I used to think that "love" was the greatest and purest/most selfless feeling, a person could carry. That if you had "it" and "it" was genuine, the possibility of what you could accomplish, was an open ended abyss of happiness. I knew there'd be ups, and downs, and I wanted them all. I wanted everything "love" could give me, and I wouldn't be denied any of the feelings, whether happy, sad, intense, angry, etc.
But- I noticed something, as I've grown older; through each person, loved and lost, small parts of who I was, would chip away. Like tiny shards of glass from a larger statue, in turn shattered further. Through each wage of the war love is, lost- more and more of my soul was compromised; for better or worse.
It's kind of like this; our whole lives we've been sold "love", vicariously through ideals of fictional drama. In books, poems, movies, shows, etc. So as we grow to be older, and never experience that "happy ending" we've all been sold as the "American dream" we become jaded. We become hopeless, we become scared and insecure because we've all grown to chase a love, that of like a fairy tale- which seldom could exist. Love in itself has become the chase. The people we "fall for" have become an arbitrary "filler" of sorts.
This is the brass tax: "love" is the hardest piece of land, you'll EVER occupy, in your entire state of living- "IF" you get the chance to. It requires the balls you never knew you had. It requires another human being put forth completely before all your own fruits and intentions, as well as actions and all of these things rest on the cusp of their happiness.
Real love isn't hard to find- IT'S HARD TO DO!