This is something I wrote thinking of my best friend, who's done exactly that, she made up with an ex, who appeared out of the blue. Literally, out of the blue sky... He flew in, called her, went straight for the bedroom. I've told her many of the things you'll find bellow, I'm being as supportive as possible, but I still have a bad vibe about this story.
We’ve all experienced this at some point in our lives – the sudden impulse to meet with a former lover, to hook up with him again for a fresh start or maybe for a night of passion. Maybe you’re trying to pull yourself together after a bad breakup or maybe you’re going through a really dry spell and your love life is non-existent. All of a sudden you find yourself daydreaming, wondering how such a reunion would play out – from the first awkward Hello to the moment you drive back to his place and let yourselves go wild for a night of passionate love-making, peppered with equally passionate words. ”Oh, I’ve missed you so much!” you hear him saying. If you’re really sad and lonely even this little bit of seemingly innocent daydreaming is enough to make you pick up the phone and call him.
Who broke up with whom?
Hold it right there! If you feel this is about to happen to you, you might want to think twice, because things could get rather messy, leaving you hurting even more. Plus the humiliation of knowing that you did this to yourself.
Before you even consider picking up the damn phone, take your time and remember how it really was between the two of you, what did you like most about him (preferably, besides the lovemaking part) and, most important, remember why you broke up and how do you feel about that. The importance of this last point cannot be overstated.
First of all, let’s make one thing clear. There are no mutual breakups, you cannot honestly say that you both agreed to call it quits and no hard feelings. Even if there was no drama, one of you must have been secretly hurt. Be honest with yourself and think about the events that led you to that particular breakup. If there’s any chance that it was you that felt betrayed at the moment, it’s likely that you secretly entertain the notion that you could get back together. You might not want to admit it even to yourself, but, trust me, if there’s some kind of unfinished business between the two of you seeing him again, let alone sleeping with him, might be a bad idea.
Let’s say that the guy you’re thinking of was really hot and you’re simply dying to see him again. What the hell, you say to yourself, it’s worth a try. You pick up the phone, trying to sound casual. Just wanted to say Hi, sort of thing. You might make him curious and he’ll agree to go out for a drink. Getting him to want more shouldn’t be hard, especially if you go for that low-cut fabulous dress you’ve just bought. We’ll fast-forward over the arduous sex you’re thinking about and focus on what happens next.
Whatever you do, just remember that you must not let your feelings get the best of you. Even if you still find him hot and great in bed, don’t ever make the mistake of showing him how you feel about him. Just don’t get sentimental, because he’ll probably freak out to find himself drawn back into a relationship. All you can do is wait and see how it will play out.
How about him? Do you think that being with you again will bring out all those memories of the time you were together and he’ll confess that he is still in love with you? Dream on, then. We all know that men rarely show their feelings that easy. If he’s not really seeing someone at the moment you might look forward to another hot date with the guy. Yet, there is also the possibility that you’re going to spend the following days in utter despair, just waiting for him to call. That is until you do realize that you practically asked for casual sex and this is what you got. Period.
At this point, you are probably wondering if I’m not being too harsh. What does this bitch know anyway? Maybe he’s not a total jerk, maybe he still has feelings for you and you’ll get a second chance. Could happen, I know. Well, good luck with that but remember that there were issues that drove you apart the first time around.
Broken trust
The most dangerous situation is that when he was the victim of the breakup. At this point, I’d like you to think very hard about your history together. Even if you think it was his fault that you broke up, like he really didn’t leave you any choice, it might very well be that he still considers himself the wronged party.
Even if he is still not romantically involved with someone else and is eager to see you again, beware – all that post-breakup resentment that he must have felt is bound to make him wary of you and your real motives for wanting to get back together. One of the worst mistakes you can do is to think that the more he used to love you the happier he will be to have you back. At first, he might let himself be carried away by whatever feelings he still has for you and by the desire to have sex with you again, but the next day he might very well decide that hooking up with you is simply wrong because you could hurt him again badly. If he is not incredibly dumb, he will know you’re not to be trusted. Not that you’re a bad person or anything, but since you’ve already left him once there’s a strong possibility that you’ll do it again. It’s just that simple. So, if you’re already in some kind of emotional turmoil, do yourself a favor and don’t call an ex whose heart you have broken.
No way
What if you were the victim of the break-up? Maybe it was the love of your life (or so you thought) making first contact after the break-up that left you crying for months. Be honest. You’re thrilled that he has come to realize the mistake he’s made and now he misses you. If you're not seeing someone else, it might be difficult not to give in to temptation.
There’s only one scenario under which you could meet face to face, namely when you’re strong enough and confident enough to let him see you’re thriving without him. Wear something flattering, but not too sexy, smile a lot, talk about the fun stuff you’ve been doing lately, even if you haven’t been out for months and, most of all, ignore whatever pleading or lust you might see in his eyes. Talking about such things might be dangerous, making you lose composure so it’s better to avoid the subject as if the idea never even crossed you’re head. If you can pull it off, such a date might be just what you need to be finally over him.
Test yourself(and try to be honest)
If you’re really tempted to hook up with an ex, here’s a checklist you’d do well to go over before dialing his number.
What do you really want from him?
Are you completely over him?
Do you want more than some fun?
Do you honestly think things could be different the second time around?
Can you handle being dumped twice by the same guy?
Shouldn’t you just wait till some new guy appears in the picture instead of giving in to this moment of loneliness? Are you that desperate that you need to run back in the arms of someone you know isn’t exactly Mr.Right?
