Yes. I have the nerve to write about this. Because I'm a hopeless romantic.
Romantic art from Bønnen Café on Amagerbrogade, Copenhagen
What is love really?
The Philosophy School of the University of Copenhagen [I was passing through to go to -my- Theology School the other day] is getting indeed very...philosophical, with 'Love' written in Greek and Traditional Mandarin Chinese...
Let's take the romantic love 'cause if we include God's love, parental love, friendly love and so on this post will never end - seriously, it won't.
So yeah - love between partners. WHEN is it Love? How is the love shown and established?
Is love a foggy place?
Or is it an eternal blue sky?
Both pictures in Copenhagen - how much that city changes huh...?
How do we know if it's really love?
Guess what - we never do.
That's why in Greek we have two words for love... LOVE [Agape] which technically means all kinds of love and EROS which means when you're IN love with someone. No -it's not the same. When you are IN love, you might never actually love and it's also a very selfish sentiment. You want the other person to be happy ONLY with you. They say that when you love you want them to be happy ANYWAY.
Well, selfless love between partners is really really hard to achieve in any case. But starting from being in love, to something deeper, how are we sure? And better yet, how do we KEEP the sentiment alive?
This post of mine is very much similar to another one I wrote a long time ago about Happiness - and I'll say exactly the same:
If you think I have the answer, you got me -'cause I certainly don't. Otherwise I wouldn't be tortured all these years.
I do have SOME answers though, if not THE -one and only- answer.
It will sound common and annoying but even True Love needs work. Nothing lasts forever unless we cultivate it - and love is exactly like that.
You need common goals, trust, happy memories in order to move on and establish this. It's not just hearts and flowers until the end of times. But it is doable.
I'm not some kind of expert but I do have -and not bragging here- an almost 20year experience in Love. So you expect we learn from our mistakes and the right time we do it the right way.
Guess again.
We just never learn when it comes to love. Love is not a business.
I turn back, looking towards my past, wondering what I could have done differently. The answer is nothing. Yes to all the mistakes. Yes to the problems, to the break ups, to the pain. Because I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for all that. So I'm grateful and I wouldn't change a thing. But if I learned? Every time we fall in love it's like the first time so human nature tends to make us do the exact same mistakes UNLESS we change pattern - no, not pattern of behavior, partner pattern...
Are you dating the same person again and again? - Ex patterns
Yes, it is very usual to date people with the same characteristics 'cause that's what attracts you, but this way you end up making the same mistakes and eventually breaking up. If you're sick and tired of all this dating shit and you don't know what you're doing wrong, then try to do THIS:
Break the freaking pattern.
Date someone you never would - a different appearance or behavior. See what else is out there and plunge into it. You probably have 90% of success there - oh yeah, there's always that 10% that screws up all of your plans.
But...is that love then? Like a schedule...?
That's why I mentioned earlier that Love needs work. To some extent it has to be 'organized' in order to last forever. You can't just pray on it [and I'm a Theologian among other things, so please take this seriously...]
Because...
Love doesn't just grow on trees
Ok except this one I found today in Copenhagen - what a cute heart/love tree!
And then the reasons come...
If you're in a relationship and you wonder if you're in love, I got news for you: YOU'RE NOT -if you wonder, then it's not love.
If you're single looking for the next great love think this: Do you want to be with someone because you're a love person, you think you deserve it OR because society dictates so, your family is pressuring you to have kids because you're not getting any younger, you don't wanna be ALONE?
Questioning stuff is good sometimes. It makes you know what you have, what you want, and how to get it.
So yeah - what is Love in the end?
I don't know if I can actually give a definition -and I don't wanna use what other people said about it [Philosophers...oh well]. But maybe I can do that. I can say with certainty, what ISN'T love...
Ok, so what ISN'T love?
- Love isn't crying, begging, being in pain, suffering or feeling jealous.
- Love isn't being comfortable though either.
- Love forgives - but lovers don't, so yeah, lying is not love.
- Love isn't feeling unsafe, insecure and miserable.
- Love isn't shutting up.
For the end, the song you were all expecting...
...and a very favorite one which you sure weren't...
And remember: Whatever your case, be positive - you are not alone. There are people out there with the exact same problems as you so don't lose hope. And as I always say, don't forget to smile!
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