Before you find “the one,” you’ll date a bunch of other ones. Only the truly lucky find a great relationship—built on compatibility, mutual respect, and sexual attraction—early on. Most of us have to have all the other types of relationships, to understand what a functional relationship should look like. Here are 14 types of relationships you will almost certainly have before you find long-term happiness.
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Friendship is notoriously difficult to define. For Aristotle, friendship, or philia, is a virtue which is ‘most necessary with a view to living … for without friends no one would choose to live though he had all other goods’. For a person to be friends with another, he says, ‘it is necessary that [they] bear good will to each other and wish good things for each other, without this escaping their notice’.
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It’s normal to love your friends. But how can you be sure that what you are feeling is not actually romantic love? Sometimes it might be hard to tell the difference between platonic friendship and a different kind of love. If you’re feeling confused, take some time to examine your relationship. Think about specific examples of times that you’ve experienced feelings of love. You can also consider your priorities. What are you looking for in a partner? Do you want to try to take the relationship to the next level? There are ways you can figure this out without risking the friendship.
love and friendship by thinking about the amount of attention you give someone. If you love someone, you’ll likely think about them often and want to stay in regular communication with them. You probably won’t think of a friend as much throughout the day and won’t have the same longing to talk to them.
You might think of your friend when something reminds you of them during your day—maybe a song you both like or a story that reminds you of an experience with them.
When you love someone, they’ll likely be on your mind throughout the day, whether you’re reminded of them or not. You might even find yourself daydreaming about them
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So where is the boundary between friendship and love? Actually, I think that the higher kind of philia that is based partly or wholly on virtue has a much stronger claim to the name of love than eros, not least because eros is much more selfish and objectifying.
Friendship is not different from love, but the best kind of love.
And if we can be friends with someone we are attracted to, then so much the better—so long as it works for, and not against, the friendship.