It was raining that day. The sky was so moody, like me at that time. Usually I will struggle myself in front of the fireplace, but today is different.
Wearing a raincoat and boots, I walked to take an umbrella and left. I know where I'm going. I hope I know.
Not many people come out. Because it's Sunday and it's sad. Quiet streets, quiet shops. What I saw was a warm brown radiance that I had never noticed before. Two years I lived in this area, but I never realized the colors around here. My life is too sad to observe anything else.

Then I got there. Stand in front of a small building that gives the impression of being inviting and warm. I close the umbrella and place it on the umbrella, and walk in. The little bell above the door of the door sign was opened. Coffee fragrance immediately filled my nose. I take a breath.
How long has it been since I last felt this comfortable somewhere?
"Good morning," said the woman behind the counter. "What do you want to order?" He smiled.
"Vanilla Latte," I said.
"There are more?"
"Hmm, two donut glazes," why? Because I like donuts.
Then I paid and brought my food to a table that was not next to the window. But still able to look out the window. I don't want to sit next to the window, because I can immediately see the rain and I don't like it. I will look like a person who should be pitied for being alone. Hm, get rid of it from my brain, please.
I sip my drink. It feels like reviving me to reality. Did I hallucinate before? Hmm.
"Hey," I glanced from behind my mug. Tilting my head, I put a latte on the table.
"Hi?" I said. In front of me is sitting a foreign woman. I dont know him.
My heart beat faster. What, what should I say?
He reached out, "My name is Eleanor."
I hesitated to hold it, "II am Rissa." I hope my cheeks are not as red as I feel.
"Ah, I know," Eleanor smiled broadly showing her neat row of teeth. Very beautiful. Ngg, how did he know me? It looks like my face has shown a question, so he continues, "You know, the stories you wrote anonymously on the website. I read it. "
No. There's no way he knows this. He must be just guessing. I buried my face in both hands. Shame, very. "You must be the wrong person. It's not me. "Duh, my face must be really red, I didn't dare show it to Eleanor. But, he took my hand.
"It's okay, your secret is safe with me," he blinked, which made my face and neck feel hotter.
I was still in a state of shock, when Eleanor took one of my donuts and bit them. "El-" I started.
"Eh, sorry. "I change the donut," he said with a laugh.
"Um, no, not the donut," oh no, why should I be nervous like this. "What ..." What do I want to say ?!
My hand reaches for the other donut. Observing Eleanor's face that looked far away. Then suddenly his eyes refocused on me. I almost jumped. "Rissa, you don't know me?" Seriously? Where can I know him?
"No?" Eleanor's face looked hurt. Duh, I feel bad.
"How come you didn't know? We have many classes together! "What ?! I have the same class as him?
Add to feeling guilty. "I'm sorry. I'm not too good with other people, "I looked away from him, because I could not stand the burning shame. For whatever reason. But, Eleanor again showed her charming smile.
"It's okay," he assured. Nothing for me, you know.
"Um, bro," I said before he could speak again. "How do you know me? I'm not right, like it's not seen everywhere. "
Eleanor seemed to think for a moment, "Hm, I don't know. I forgot the first time I saw you, but for sure at that time, you immediately attracted my attention. "This is even more strange. I was sure my eyes had widened, and Eleanor continued. "From that moment on, I like to see you. Sometimes I see you right by yourself, smiling like that. When I pass behind you, you like reading the comments again. "Oh, wow. "And, I have a discussion. The longer I pay attention, you- "
I hope I don't really jump. "Wait, wait, all this time you stalked me ?!" I was horrified.
"Ngg ..." Eleanor looked rather surprised. "No, no, just care," he said trying not to be completely wrong. Still, it scared me. So far there is someone who cares for me without me knowing. What the hell? "Uh, sorry, huh. I've gone too far. I bought you six donuts as an apology. "
Wow, good offer. I just paused, hopefully Eleanor could read my face only.

"Hmmm, are you always this red?"
"Eh? What's red? "I asked dumbly.
Eleanor laughed, making me close my face again with my hand. "Your face."
AAAAAAAAAH. I can not stand it anymore. My legs moved immediately and took me to the toilet. "Hey! Don't go - "I heard Eleanor scream, but then stopped.
In front of the mirror I looked at my own face, and yes, I was like a tomato. I can't study for the next three years. This taste, I can't possibly forget forever. Anyway, why do I have to be embarrassed and nervous in front of someone like Eleanor?
I swallowed hard and looked at myself straight. Maybe I should have felt it.
Inhale, release. Inhale, release. Come on, heart, slow down a little. It's okay, it's okay. But this is nothing! Only a very small problem, Rissa! Geez. I can not take it anymore.
"Rissa?" I turned to the sound source. My heart.
Eleanor looks at me carefully. He should know not to tease me anymore. "Um, want to go home?" He lifted a plastic bag with a box inside. Donut box. I nodded.
We walked out together. I didn't say a word. Still trapped in his own head. My voice doesn't reach my throat either. I almost felt tight. The rain had stopped, the road was still quiet. And now, Eleanor is with me walking down the road to my house. Why?
"Your house near here?" My voice sounded raw. I coughed.
"No, I took you home, because ..." he hesitated for a moment, then continued, "because it seems like I have, already, well, that." . But, I can't get it out. I made him feel guilty, even though he did nothing. He just became himself, and I ... I didn't know who I was. Oh
"Sorry," my mouth threw the word without me knowing. Reflex. Nice. Eleanor stopped and looked at me in shock. He was shorter than me, so he looked up. Wow, we've arrived in front of my house. Fast too.
Suddenly Eleanor's hand was hugging my body. "Thanks," he said. She sobbed a little, and I returned her hug, because I didn't know what else to do.
Thanks? Thanks for what?
A few moments later, he took off his arms and immediately ran away while wiping his tears.
"Eleanor!" I shouted. My brain wants to chase it, but my body disagrees. Eleanor didn't look back. He continued to run until his body disappeared among the crowd.
In front of the fireplace I sat. My hands reach the place where my heart is.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
What is this? A kind of magic spell?
Three years passed. I didn't sleep as I planned to do at that time. But every day, I wake up still with the same feeling. Red like tomatoes, the heart is like jumping in the chest, and feeling empty, as usual.
For the same three years, I never saw Eleanor.
For the first time after six months, I returned to the café.
I think I can meet Eleanor if I come here often. But after three years, there was nothing. As I said, there is no class here, neither is there. Maybe today will be different.
As usual, I sit at my usual table, with my usual drink (vanilla latte), and with ordinary food (two glaze donuts). Taking a sip of my drink, I read a book recently published recently. As Red as a Tomato.
Yep, the book I wrote myself. Full of imaginary stories. Something makes sense, some don't. It's just an imaginary name.
"I've read the book, good," the voice surprised me. In front of me, there was Eleanor holding my donut and biting it. Like the first time.
Without thinking, I immediately tied it in a tight hug. Eleanor immediately responded.
Feeling something replenishes my empty parts. I sobbed.
I will make you pay. I thought. Three years, Eleanor, three years.