On the ladder of maturities, the second rung is what I will call MATERIAL MATURITY
I have not said financial maturity even though it is a major determinant. Material maturity means your would-be spouse has sufficient means to take care of the responsibilities that come with marriage. He does not have to be a millionaire but must have a regular income. Regular income doesn’t also mean an income running into hundreds of thousands every month. But at least something that is predictable. Even if it is just 20,000 a month, it permits you to draw up a budget and that can be a great relief for the family.
Material maturity also means he owns a set of properties necessary for family life.
source from twitter.com
He must own his space. It is dangerous to have the young man living in his family house – even if it is a separate flat within the compound. That space belongs to his parents – not him. For as long as he stays there, his parents and siblings will dictate all that happen within the space because he has not demonstrated his independence.
He must own a space that he is directly responsible for. I am not talking about owning a mansion, but owning at least a room with a bed for the act of marriage. He must own his kitchen utensils – not his mother’s. A young man that owns his space but does not own kitchen utensils is not materially matured enough for family life.
If these “small” things are not in place, he maybe the right person but the timing is not right yet.
I have developed a series of questions that will help you determine how materially mature your would-be husband is. I am unable to share all of them here, but these ones will help you get started:
How much does he earn in a month? If he is self employed, what is his weekly income? If you can’t give a definite answer, it is probably because you have not asked or he is keeping some things away from you. That itself is an important indicator.
What employable skills does he possess? Eg Plumbing, Driving, computer skills,
How easy is it for this skill to be employed? For instance, a very skilled footballer will still be looking for a club in Europe, while a driver would have found one. Driving skill will therefore score higher than football skill. Note also that some skills are seasonal while others are in demand all year round. This will impact the family finance and his ability to provide for the home as required. Red flags here does not mean he is not the choice, it only helps you develop a plan to cushion the impact if you choose to go ahead.
How long has he been in paid employment? How many jobs has he changed in the last five years? Why is he changing jobs so frequently (if that is the case)? Is he having people issues with all his bosses – that could be a great pointer to some hidden issues.
Where does he spend most of his money? Is it on himself, on his friends, on you or on his family?
These are just a few of the questions I would love you to answer on this maturity. I hope to give you the others when we see.
If you don’t have a clear answer to these questions then you do not know your man well enough. You need to put off a decision to commit to him in marriage until you get clearer answers to these often overlooked questions.
You must figure out a way to get the right answers to these questions without raising his suspicion.
Pro 20:29
The glory of young men is their strength: and the beauty of old men is the gray head.
