Yesterday, I watched a movie called 'How to be single'. I had the house to myself for the evening, so thought it would be rude to not watch some mind numbing comedy directed at my gender.
In this movie, (not entirely a spoiler) the main character and her boyfriend have a 'break', in order to find themselves. Which is part of the point I would like to make.
Why can't you, supposedly, find yourself when you're with someone?
It seems like popular culture shames you if you're eternally single and not looking, or if you haven't been single for a minimum amount of time.
'You won't know who you are unless you can be comfortable in your own company' is something I've heard before. But some people who lead a single life may never find this, whilst some people who have spent most of their adult lives in relationships can be completely comfortable with being alone. Why is there an idea of this perfect amount of time to be single, before you can possibly have have a complete life?
I'll admit, I fell into the trap in the past. At the end of a 6+ years long relationship I was unhappy and no longer content with what I was getting out of it. So, I left. My excuse? 'I need to be single, I need to find myself.' In reality, I just wanted to sleep with other people after trying to cope with a long-term dead bedroom situation. But 'finding oneself' seems to be a more acceptable way to phrase it.
What I found out though, is that I was already comfortable with being alone. I enjoyed my brief period of singledom, but it didn't take too long before I found myself in a relationship again, and still am. I don't need this person in my life, I want them in my life. My choice. But in anyone else's eyes, those 5 single months were probably not enough to satisfy society's criteria for having found something that was supposed to be missing. The only thing I found had been missing, was that I didn't listen to my own intuition and needs, in order to fit into society...and the bedroom gymnastics, of course.
So don't listen to those voices that say what you have to do. Society doesn't know who you are, and it doesn't care. Follow your own heart, it's your life and no one else's. If you're happy being with the person you met when you were 14, well that's good for you, and same if you don't want to be with anyone else but yourself. You still evolve and grow up when you're in a relationship, just as you do when you're not. Just follow your gut. I sure will.