As I continue to grow in my relationship I am trying to become more aware of the differences between men and women. Currently, I am reading a phenomenal book called the Men are From Marrs, Women are From Venus by John Gray. This is an incredible book that highlights the differences between men and women and here I will share one of the insights I have learned.
Problem Solving
There are many differences between men and women but one of the biggest differences that I have noticed is the way each handles problems.
Not to stereotype gender, however, men typically deal with problems internally while women deal with problems externally. Let me explain.
It is common for men to try to internalize their problems and figure out ways to solve them ourselves without trying to include outside sources. You can see this range from asking directions to dealing with emotional issues like breakups or financial stresses. The less people that can get involved the better when it comes to the male mindset. This can be a good thing and a bad thing.
Women on the other hand like to be a little more external when dealing with their problems. The comfort comes in talking about their problems and sharing their thoughts and emotions with people they trust. Sharing problems with others allows women to talk through their problems and feel less stressed about them. Again, this can be a good thing and a bad thing.
Dealing with the Opposite Gender
Where this can become more troublesome is when one gender has to deal with another gender during problem solving.
When men internalize their problems they tend to go into a shell. They find comfort in spending time alone or spending time taking on tasks that take their mind off of their problem while they continue to work on it mentally. This can often lead to men giving off a distant vibe that can come off as though they are not paying attention to their female counterpart. The perception this can give to the woman is what can be problematic . A woman may think that the man is not present, that he does not care, or that he is to preoccupied to listen to them.
A woman may respond to this by pushing for attention or to get inside the males head and this can lead to frustration and resentment.
On the contrary, when women externalize their problems it can give a perception that they are putting some blame on their male counterpart for the problems. It may come off as negativity and men tend not to handle these situations the best.
A man may respond to this by either getting defensive or by offering solutions to problems when in actuality the woman is not looking for solutions, she is looking for a caring person who can sympathize with her and be there for her!
Problem Solving
Neither of these approaches are meant to be negative, however, they can create tension and resentment.
This tension is simply a result of each gender not understanding how the other gender operates. It is important to recognize that while both are human, they both behave very differently.
When a man is experiencing problems, it may be best to let him do his thing. Allow him to take his mind off the problem by reading, going to the gym, going on a walk, etc. A women can really be there for a man during this time by offering to do things with him or by not adding stress to the situation by interpreting his actions as being negative towards her.
When a women is experiencing problems a man can be there for her to listen. He can sit in and let her explain her problems and be sympathetic and not offer his solutions. Be there for her, pour a glass of wine, and open his ears. He should not interpret these words as being directed towards him. If she wants to talk with her friends about problems, the man should not take offense. He should respect this response and understand that no part of it is meant in harm to him or his feelings.
I must say I am no expert when it comes to relationships but with my past experiences, this makes a lot of sense to me. That is why when I read this chapter of the book it resonated with me so well. I want to share with you so you can gain some benefit as well! I hope we can all grow in our relationships together!