Is BEING HONEST AND UPFRONT.
Now, the PROBLEM with honesty is that you can actually hurt, or SCARE people with it.
When I see a beautiful woman walking down the street, sometimes the TRUTH is that I'd like to tear off her clothes and make passionate love to her for weeks on end.
Do you think it would be wise for me to just walk up and SAY THAT TO HER???
Um, no.
She could actually have me ARRESTED for saying something like that.
But DAMN… She looks so FINE!
And I certainly don't want to LIE to her…
You see, I USED to subscribe to something known as “Indirect Method.” (Everybody who read ”The game” knows what I'm talking about...)
There was a time when my favorite way to approach groups of women in the past was to simply walk up and say, “Hey guys, I need a female opinion. Do girls think that David Bowie is hot?”
And although it worked more often than it failed (to start conversations), it felt wrong in my heart.
Want to know WHY it felt wrong?
BECAUSE I DON'T CARE IF WOMEN THINK THAT DAVID BOWIE IS HOT!
I give less than a sh*t about their opinion of him.
I'm not saying that “opinion openers” don't work. They open girls VERY consistently.
What I am saying is that there is a better way.
You see, “Indirect Method” is duplicitous.
du·plic·i·tous Audio pronunciation of duplicitous P Pronunciation Key (d -pl s -t s, dy -)
adj.
Given to or marked by deliberate deceptiveness in behavior or speech.
Look, if you're in a place in your life where you feel the need to be duplicitous, that's fine. I'm not judging you for it.
In fact, I respect anybody's need to remain ignorant for as long as they need to.
Anyway, I much prefer “DIRECT METHOD”.
It's called honesty.
Now, as I mentioned above, the PROBLEM with honesty is that it scares and offends people, and I'm definitely not saying that we should all go out and scare the hell out of women by blatantly telling them that we'd like to sleep with them (even if we DO!)
For me, the solution is to CUSHION the honesty.
It's important to have the COURAGE to express our desires, but if that courage is not balanced with CONSIDERATION for the woman's feelings, then that's pretty immature, not to mention DANGEROUS.
It's called sexual harassment, or sexual imposition.
Definitely not cool.
I suggest being POLITE.
CUSHION your honesty.
First, you want to open her with a little “too much” politeness. Some people will confuse politeness with supplication. That's simply not the case.
Being polite will not only open her up so she's receptive, but it can actually get HER chasing YOU.
For example, let's say I want to tell a woman who's a complete stranger that I'd like to sleep with her, but in such a way that she will feel comfortable and not get offended:
Me: “Excuse me, I really don't want to impose, but I'd like to ask you a question if that's okay.”
Woman: “Ok…”
Me: “If you want to tell me to go away, then just tell me to go away and I will. I'm serious about that. I hope I'm not being creepy or something.”
Woman: “No, it's okay.”
Me: “Because the last thing I want to do is make you feel uncomfortable. That's not my intention at all.”
Woman: “It's alright. Go for it, I'll be okay.”
At THIS point, I move foward and get to know her. I've pre-empted rejection - very few women will blow someone off if he's sincere and polite like this.
And guess what?
Very often, that same woman is going to want to get to know me.
And for the rest of the interaction, I'll KEEP IT UP.
I'll keep getting to know her, and I'll keep checking to make absolutely sure that she is not uncomfortable.
Usually, WITHIN MINUTES, I'll have "green light" to take her number, or go have a coffee with her, or even kiss her.
When you communicate SINCERELY with women, they truly appreciate it.
