When I am out meeting women, the mindset that I like to use, or the LENS that I view my interactions through is this:
“Everything that a woman says or does only shows me that she wants me.”
How's that for arrogance? Actually, it's called FLIRTING.
I don't usually SAY this directly. It's implied by my words and body language.
It's a very useful flirting frame. It has its roots in the next frame:
There are only TWO basic emotions: LOVE and FEAR.
EVERY human emotion can be tied to love or fear, or some combination of the two.
So that this sinks in a little deeper, let's take a look at some common human emotions and notice that they are LOVE OR FEAR BASED EMOTIONS:
Jealousy = FEAR
Hatred = FEAR
Happiness = LOVE
...And so on.
You get the idea.
So how does this frame apply to pickup and relationships?
Well let's say for example that a woman is angry with me, and feels the need to YELL at me.
What do MOST people do when yelled at?
I think most people either:
• Supplicate, apologize, and cower... Anything to avoid the confrontation.
• Get angry back, and maybe even start yelling as well.
But if you were to realize that the person's yelling in anger is actually FEAR-BASED, how would you handle it differently?
If someone is yelling at me, once I realize that they are yelling because they are SCARED of something, I literally feel no anger because I know where they are coming from: Fear! They don't HATE ME they are just SCARED.
While there isn't just ONE WAY of handling a situation like being yelled at, here are a few examples of what I might say, depending on the context:
Woman: “I'm so angry! Why would you say something like that.”
Me: “You seem upset.”
This is a GREAT response because you are simply acknowledging how the person feels, rather than cowering or getting angry and demanding respect or something like that. The person will feel that you're beginning to UNDERSTAND the situation, and will naturally calm themselves down because you are demonstrating EMPATHY.
Woman: “I hate you, how could you do that...”
Me: “That's okay, let it all out. It's important.”
Rather than fight or flight, I simply ENCOURAGE her to KEEP GOING.
Why? I actually WANT to know how she feels, and I know she is AFRAID of something.
Woman: “You're such an ASSHOLE!”
Me: “If you say so.”
Rather than get angry and fight back, I simply accept her accusation CALMLY, and a little sarcastically - to change the conversation flow.
Be well & be empathetic :)