I Corinthians 13:4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; ...
Strongs 5541 chresteuomai ... to show oneself useful, i.e. act benevolently
So to love can begin with being kind to others. That is to say words that are helpful words, encouraging words, inspiring words, good and positive words, believing words... Or being kind can be showing oneself useful to others as in doing something for someone while expecting nothing in return. For example, if a woman is married to a man, then the man(being her leader) has to be kind to her with helpful words, encouraging words, inspiring words, good and positive words, believing words...
"How can I know what to say or what to do?" Well, being a good leader has to be aware of the follower's needs. That's really the key to any relationship. Basically it's most likely along the lines of food/shelter or making $$ in general, love/dating/belongingness/esteem, and self-actualization/self-transcendence. The woman(or anybody) can actually tell if he is good leader or not by observing this. So this is the principle of how to find a good man. It's the same principle for finding a good employer or a good leader in general.
I always try to do this in every conversation I am in. When I talk, I always try to say those encouraging words, sometimes educational words, or funny words :)
You will see some people talk before they think, or complain about others, or even speak evil about your intentions/abilities/future... Don't associate yourself with those people. If you hang around with positive & successful people, you will most likely become one of them! God Bless You.