Hans twizzled his bushy mustache, and adjusted his cuckoo clock.
"Ja! Ja, today ist goin to be a very good day"
Said Hans, unnecessarily.
Hans was an efficient man, one of the most productive clock makers in the black forest; but when it came to speaking, he was notoriously inefficient and often broke the fourth wall.
"Ja, the fourth wall must come down!"
Said Hans, superfluously
Hans had a brief affair with 
Hans was happy that day. He had a date with a complete stereotype. She was a strudel chef in a tuba band called Olga.
Olga was a woman of considerable clitoral fortitude. She had once choked a handbag thief to death by holding him crotchwise and thinking of the Rhine.
That was the way Hans liked it. Years of making novelty cuckoo clocks for pride parades had expanded his sexual repertoire. To be progressive was to be truly German.
A Cuck! oo clock, designed by Hans for Milo Yiannopoulos.
It was their first date and the wine was flowing. Olga ordered weisswurst, as she stared provocatively into Hans' deep blue eyes. The waiter tripped over her enlarged lady parts, sending the weisswurst flying into a small family of Swiss tourists, who refused to see funny side, insisting on remaining miserable yet tolerant.
At that moment, a confused terrorist burst
into the room, screaming "Allah you guys should have some flowers!" and handed Hans a beautiful red rose. He gave this rose to Olga, who by now was using her nether regions as a pogo stick.
"Lets go to your place Hans" said Olga.
I wish I had an Olga
Hans obliged and whisked her away to his cuckoo factory. The time was 11:58pm and the air was filled with the smell of varnish and discipline.
They stripped each other naked and observed one another in the moonlight.
Olgas hair bristled as Hans mounted her. He thrust into her Germanic form, timing himself with second hand on his favourite cuckoo clock.
Tick slap Tock slop Tick slap Tock slap
Olga groaned as the cuckoo struck 12.
Hans took a deep breath and hit home, time slowed to a crawl. The doors of his cuckoo clock creaked open.
As he thrust forward the cuckoo flew out his clock.
CUCKOO
Oooooohh
CUCKOO
YES
CUCKOOOOO
OH HANSSSS!!!
The two collapsed in an orgasmic heap, having finally done the deed.
Hans sighed.
"Ja, Ja. Today was a good day"
END