Once upon a time there was a child, his mother and his father were burdened by him being himself, so they decided to ship their son to his uncles in a far away distant country. This was known in Sudan and many other African countries as "The nephew's visit to his uncles" and it was considered an initiation into manhood. And in that you can see my dear reader the separation between manhood and the self and the surprise of the fragile soul of an overly masculine man.
The child come into the airport and sees his cousins, he was a spoiled brat himself, taken from school by personal chauffeurs, never having to clean up after him, with the extremity of getting lot of love yet at the same time a lot of punishment. His brain chemistry was sincerely fucked between being called the golden boy at times to being slapped around for not studying well. It was an outrage.
Reaching the shores of that distant land the kid thought that he would find salvation from his overly intrusive mother and his overly abandoning father. But little did he know....The kid reaches the arrivals and he sees his cousins for the second time, the first time he couldn't really remembered but he was told many stories about them, he was told legendary tales of their holy father, and their struggle in life, and to put the cherry on top he always heard his mother saying I wish to see you grow more like them, then he would hear his grand mother saying how his cousins are amazing and how they would study hard and never leave their rooms.
The boy gets into arrivals to see his cousins and he saw his female cousin and he thought to himself he would see a goddess, he then felt that he was disappointed at her beauty, yes he was very superficial that kid. He sat with his cousins in a train to take them to another city, he couldn't stop talking, he didn't want to, he wanted them to take him inside him fully. The male cousin like his father fell asleep and his girl cousin kept on attentively listening to his stories, and believe you and me this child was a class A liar, but he learned how to take care of that pleasure in a very healthy way.
You know what they say, when the father sleeps the mother is most susceptible and this my dear readers is what I will talk about today in this article.
You see we were all dealt cards that we accepted by your unconscious choice due to finding addiction to certain pleasures thus finding their essence turning from being a luxury into becoming a demanding necessity. And thus our perception or priority gets fucked and our body loses its function in serving us but rather serves the other needs and in that we can see a shift in modern times of going towards the other extreme of disgusting forms of narcissism of unconscious sleepers doing what has been done to them onto others and the cycle goes on and on.
Yes you guessed it, this is the time where I criticize myself for criticizing something, call it what you will call it, I don't want to change that, and that is because I find joy in doing so, and that is the secret you do it because you like it! In the previous paragraph I called people in their sleep unconscious and demonized a trait that I have to admit to enjoying its fruits and honestly I still feel its temptation grasping onto my palate every now and then. Thus I feel burdened by it now because I feel guilt when I remember how it tasted and know how no longer would I like to taste it due to its fumigation of psychological hygiene.
Now as I discussed in yesterday's episode about the models of self treatment and how naturally the self changes into another form based on treatment and the degree of that treatment. You see based on your circumstances you have conditioned your body to emotionally react to circumstances in certain ways for certain gains.
In simple steps....honestly I don't feel like writing but I will nurture myself with a deep breath and the promise of a good meal after this article, yes it is a habit I have picked up from my family self reward for suffering thus pleasure becomes the healer rather than it being a pleasure in itself.
So now the steps:
1-Learn to take emotional shits on a daily basis, I personally do this by grounding and if I am in open space I would scream and howl like a wolf.
2-Know your current self, use whatever model you need to work with and get it done, know how you are affected by circumstances and this might take a lot of time but it is worth it.
3-After knowing how circumstances affect you fucking do what you can to provide for yourself on an internal and external level.
For example:
I tend to become melancholic at times then extremely happy at times, and a lot of other things so what I would do here is not try to change my self and feel terrible for how I feel because that is another thing on its own, no I prepare myself to know what conditions cause this circumstance so instead of avoiding those kind of circumstances I prepare myself with the necessary precautions and personal supportive tapes I made for myself for when melancholy kicks in.
And this is but one example so get creative and learn how to deal with yourself!
Now onwards with the story, the kid later on meets his uncle, oh he has hear a lot about him he falls in love with him, his powerful look his gesture of authority his tender love and care. He feels something he has never felt when he saw his father, he finally saw his father.
The uncle takes that kid under his wing, he takes him for long walks and keeps on ploughing him with information some with care and some with trauma but all of this information was installed, installed so deep in the child's unconscious till that uncle became a personal guard over the oxytocin release in the kids system, funnily enough this was done by the child's agreement by believing that he can get what he was missing..........a father.
Upon years of being schooled by his uncle, whatever his uncle said about him was true in his book the kid at that time learned the way to blind faith.....love, guilt and the promise of perfection. And upon later years the uncle decided to give the leash to his older uncle and the kid was dragged between one sadist to the other.
The kid found a kick in the sadists appreciation because of his inability to produce the hormones that would allow him to love himself unless he is allowed by serving his uncles. The uncles held the word of religion as a whip and in the name of god did they lash the boy, till the kid was degraded of anyform of free will they only left him the illusion of free will.
Now what are those uncles today?.....Could they be your addictions and the illusionary boundaries they put around you....could they be just you creating figures of how they were because you still cling onto grudges of what could have been.
At the end of the day simplicity is the way of the brave, and lwhen all philosophy becomes a talkative chatter life can be simply understood through one idea........desire......find it chase it enjoy it, enslavement is the act of taking it away.
Now in this I have demeaned an act in the name of another act, and that's when you do when you make a choice, so realize thse of your past could be very well angels but it definetly would be easier to leave behind the fallen and call them demons because it really is hard having fun with your breath as if it were the last breath you will take......could it be that this is the reaso this is why you are so scared because you miss so much the open field and your brain is recreating simulations of expectations. It's only when you lose touch with victimization and the desire to conquer and their older brother vengance do we see the bigger story behind desire for the sake of desire and the mere architecture of stories to allow their passageand their manifestation.
Feeling is a doing
Doing gives a feeling
YOU DO IT BECAUSE YOU LIKE DOING IT
YOU DO IT BECAUSE
YOU DO IT
DO YOU?
May no order hinder you
May chaos be your authority!
Credits to my wife, the muse, Babalon, The godess I am proud of worshipping Antje Biscof for the painting attached to this article!
