Psilocybin has been known as a very potent psychedelic substance. It can be found in some species of mushrooms that grow throughout the planet. Like any other mind-altering substances, it should be treated with respect. A single dose of magic mushrooms can create a huge impact on someone's life. It has the potential to shatter your ego and change the way you perceive.
When you're planning to take hallucinogenic mushrooms, there are three things that you need to keep in mind. You need to have a good set & setting, and a functional weighing scale to weigh the stuff. Neglecting these recommendations may increase the possibility of falling into a mind-boggling bad trip. Unfortunately, I was too stubborn back then to even follow one of these precautions.
Prior to the experience, my mind was already clogged up with negative thoughts. I was a depressed teen searching for an escape. My family was in a bad situation and I can't do anything about it. It was not a good day to trip but I still insisted to do it. I grabbed my weighing scale, which I later found out that it's defective, so there's no doubt I took way too much than the intended dosage. It's probably one of the reasons why the trip was too intense for me to handle.
There I was, consuming the magic mushroom tea that I brewed inside my bedroom. Preparing a tea is the way to go for the people who are not comfortable of the taste of the mushroom. It helps with the stomach discomfort that you get from eating it straight. It also comes up faster and smoother.
Thirty minutes had passed and I was already feeling the effects. The shadows on the wall were moving in a very fluid motion. All the colors in my room brightened and it was pretty overwhelming. A sense of fear and anxiety lingered in my soul as the experience build up to a point of no return. It's when I realized that the experience will not be as smooth as expected. All of my expectations dissolved into waves of terror and euphoria. I felt such enigmatic emotions for once.
I am an hour into the experience and its already at its peak. This moment was the beginning of horror for me.
I was contemplating and trying to let the thoughts flow freely in my mind when I heard a member of our family scream. I won't go into details but there was clearly a quarrel happening outside my room. I was negatively affected by it. She was shouting obnoxiously and partly blaming me for the struggle that we were going through at the moment. I felt every bit of her dark emotions as she spiraled out of control.
I was crying my heart out at this point. It wasn't only sadness that I felt, there was also a sudden rush of anger in me.
I immediately grabbed a pillow and used it to cover my face so I can scream my lungs out without being heard. I was covered with tears. I kept on screaming until something very weird happened. It felt like my face was transforming into a rabid creature as rage devoured my soul. I looked at the mirror and I saw myself making such terrorizing facial expressions like never before. The face in the mirror was not me. It scared the hell out of me. I was freaking out. For some reason, I decided to get up from my bed and just sit on the floor while I quiver like an insane man. I remember being amazed by the geometric patterns that covered the lustrous marble flooring. It was beautiful indeed.
The trip was still going on pretty strong and my sense of self was starting to fade away like the sun as an eclipse drifts towards the center of its light. It was a tranquil transition from being fearful to lucidity. All the terror that occurred on the past hour appeared to be a healthy release of suppressed emotions. It was one of the most breathtaking moments of my life. My entire body was flooded with such euphoria.
As I dove into nothingness, a voice started speaking to me. It was pretty weird cause it didn't use any kind of language but I can still perfectly understand it. It was just random noises that made perfect sense to me. It provided me compelling realizations that later shaped my existence into a different level. It reminded me every simple thing that a human being should not forget, despite the fact that a lot of messed up things happen in this cruel society. It taught me not to control, but to be aware of these negative emotions and to not let it affect the way I react to the world. I realized that all of the struggles in my life are just a part of the endless journey and worrying about what's gonna happen next will just keep me from being the best version of myself in the present, which is the only moment that matters and exists.
All of these things may sound vague or little to you but it's not the same for a depressed person like me. You won't remember these beautiful things when you're being eaten alive by pain and regret. Depression sucks the life out of you. I used to look for an escape until I realized that accepting things the way they are and appreciating all the small things is the only way to free yourself from the chains and to have a positive life.
The entire experience was very healing. I recall waking up to the sound of music. I was reborn. I looked into my computer screen and was pretty surprised to see that only hours had passed cause it felt like an eternity. Even my physical body felt way different. I was breathing a lot easier and my back pain was gone. Maybe it was caused by the stress that I've been holding inside me since I was a child. It kind of made me believe that having a positive mind is essential to attain a healthy body.
It took me a while to reach for the door and go out to see what happened outside my room. As soon as I stepped out and looked at the faces of my family, I was able to smile without any feelings of fear and hate. It almost brought me to tears cause in that exact moment of ecstasy, I remembered how harsh I was to them with my words which led me to forgive them and of course myself. I was no longer affected by the horrors of my past. It was pure love and joy.
Sometimes, looking deep within yourself is what it takes to ignite the beauty that we all possess.
Psychedelics had helped me so much to better myself. These are powerful tools that can help elevate our awareness if used wisely. Spread the love and live in the now.