I struggle with this a lot & I have a feeling many women do as well. We do it all, we're strong, we're courageous, we're multi-taskers & we always have things on the go (at least the mama's out there know what I'm talking about). We become so dang tough, we forget the girl we are deep down inside. The girl who needs to be LOVED. We become bitter, resentful, angry... so very angry. (Speaking for myself here).
Here's a small little glimpse into this mama world:
After thinking about the kid's outfits in the morning, changing diaper after diaper, realizing I have ten people to text back, bills to pay, clients to contact, feeding the toddler, nursing the baby, working out... oh ya gotta eat healthy too & track what I eat because if I don't I'll gain 50 lbs & my confidence plummets. The to-do list doesn't get longer per say, but it takes a million years to get shorter & Heaven help me, if I skip a beat, I'm kicking myself for it the next day, when my list of things to remember & do is twice as long now. There's hardly any stopping & now I'm told everywhere that I have to take time for self care. Time?? Who has the time or money?! Husband gets home & I try to have a well rounded supper on the table, but oftentimes I fail. Tonight was just plain lasagna. Delicious yes, but no veggies to be seen for my toddler. Crap, that reminds me, I have to get groceries tomorrow. Now get the kids ready for bed because I've got work to do & the toddler didn't nap today again, so I'm praying there will be some sleeping in tomorrow, knowing all too well that just won't be my reality. Put food away, clean up kitchen for it to get dirty all over again tomorrow... why do I even bother cleaning it?! Is it too late for a 5th cup of coffee?? I should have been in bed an hour ago!!
THIS is my day, most days. THIS is what it's like for many stay at home moms. And before anyone gets mad at me for this, let me just say, I love being a mom & being home with my kids. Doesn't mean though, that it's easy. In fact, most days it's far from that & I'm far from being perfect at it. I fail constantly.
Back to my point. With this going on in my head all day, by the time I have interactions with other adults (poor hubby gets the brunt of things) I'm cranky. I'm tired. I'm thank-less & ungrateful. I get bitter because I got up at night to nurse the baby & I'm just so tired. I get angry & I can't even explain why or where that anger comes from. But all of these things I'm feeling tend to prevent me from letting others love me. Because how could they possibly understand just how hard my day way?! (Even though that's silly & most people do understand!) It puts up this wall & I just want to sit in my cold, bitterness for too long & not feel anymore feelings. Not feel anyone else being in my space, in my head. I just want to be alone.
It's so sad, because I hear of so many other mama's who feel the same. It's sad because the one thing that can HEAL our broken & hard day is LOVE. Especially love from our spouse. Love from a friend or family member. Love from our kids. We get wrapped up in "Capital 'M' - Me" all day, that we forget to be gracious & SEE the love others give us.
My fellow, brave & courageous Steemit mama's... let love in. Instead of saying sorry for sleeping in while your husband took care of the kids, THANK him for letting you sleep in. SEE the love! Instead of apologizing for not having supper prepared, thank your husband for bringing home take out. Instead of going over & over in your head about how many times you yelled at your toddler today, be gracious for their instant forgiveness & willingness to love you no matter what. Then love them back even harder.
Let more love into your soul & see how it changes you.
Do justly, love mercy, walk humbly.
xo
-Liz Lemon