The Doormat Allegory, Or, Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? Manifest...

Guys, girls, aardvarks; do the nice ones always get walked on and backstabbed?

I decided I was going to be a cold hearted bitch a year ago. I was sick and tired of being screwed over. I decided I was going to do the stepping on. Hurt them before they hurt me was my new motto. And I definitely wasn't going to allow anyone the privilege of coming into my heart. No effing way. My NO Vacancy sign was up, and there were land mines and barbed wire surrounding the perimiter.

I tried very hard at my new persona. I knew I would have to make a conscious effort as I have been a pushover and yes girl my entire life.

I put in a lot of effort.

And failed. Miserably.

So, I dusted myself off and tried again. Pushed up my sleeves and put on my game face.

Well, you guys know me. Did it work?

I just couldn't do it. It was not as if I was pushing myself to train for a triathlon. It was as if I was trying to reverse the gravitational pull of the earth under the game field.

I just couldn't be this person I so desperately wanted to be.

The foundation that makes Arbitrary Kitten was already poured, and seasoned concrete. Concrete hard as diamonds. There was no way I could bust up that bad boy.

I am that I am. I get that now. I am kind and compassionate and sweet and I cannot change that. Oh, I'm sure my environment, given enough time and effort, could do it for me, lol, but try as I might, day after day, I couldn't change the me that is me.

I was battling a fight I could never win.

Pain sucks. And some people suck. But I realize that I am me. And I am a treasure just the way I am. There may not be many who would not use my kindness against me, but that requires more careful movements on my part, not a complete replacement of the me that is me.

And there are many treasured souls that I touch, if only for a brief moment in the time and space continuum. Those are who I must place my attention and focus on.

I am me, and I am me for a reason. And I don't finish last. Know why?

Because the ones who attempt to use me are the losers. They miss out on the pleasure of being in my reality ;)

When you choose to visualize goals, you cannot visualize something completely out of line from you.

You could not, at the age of 32, manifest yourself a foot taller for instance. Just isn't gonna happen my friend. Nor could you manifest becoming an opera singer if you are tone deaf and dogs run away when you sing.

You must keep in line with the foundation that is you. It's purely physics, after all ;)

Images via Pixabay and Creative Commons

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