Let me say at the outset that I am not a counselor, nor a qualified psychologist or any of these professions. I am however in sales and marketing and understand implicitly the importance of establishing, maintaining and growing trusting relationships with our customers.
So, as I enter my sixth year of separation/divorce I reflect on my 8 year marriage and think, why wouldn't I use the same principles in a romantic relationship.
I am a 47 year old single dad with two kids. So, very briefly, what would have I done differently in my marriage:
- Talk - there is absolutely no doubt that I should have been more open with my wife. As males, in my opinion, we tend to "sweep things under the carpet" and hope the problems go away. THEY DON'T!
- Talk - I was depressed and didn't know it. I didn't share my feelings with my wife. She saw this as me withdrawing from the relationship and not wanting to have fun with her. Nothing could be further than the truth, however I didn't communicate this with her.
- Listen - I would listen but would not hear. The phone, the kids, the TV, my own internal demons were always blocking her out. This was not intentional. However it was enough to do the damage. In my case, she was a stay at home mum and had two kids, both under 5, to contend with. We tend to forget how emotionally draining it can be looking after children at that young age.
- Have fun - I brought my work problems home but didn't share my feelings/thoughts with my wife. Firstly, don't make a habit of taking your work problems home and if you do occasionally, make sure you talk to your partner about them. Definitely arrange a weekly DATE NIGHT.
- Be together - this may sound trivial, however how many of us enjoy the moment. This could be mean anything such as preparing a meal together, gardening, bathing the kids, house chores, washing the car etc. A relationship is just that. Its an interactive dialogue between two individuals whom want to share experiences together.
That is all I have for now. There is much more I want to write and discuss and will do so in the coming days. Keep well.