Hello guys
..and lovely girls of course ;)
as in every other post, I'll start with how I haven't wrote here in a while..
Well it's not actually that bad when I think about it, but I was never really consistent on steemit.
Now, I'm not claiming that this time will be any different, but from what I feel I would say that for the next whatever period in my life, I'll be more of a creator than a consumer. I will talk about these two polarities, but first I'll tell you what's been going on with me. Yeah, so I feel that I'm becoming more CREATIVE each day. I use the word creativity perhaps in a slightly different fashion than what it's usually used for. The emphasis is not on some flashy art-like stuff, NECESSARILY. If that's what comes through, well fine, I do not intend to block that :D But I would like to really focus on the CREATE part, putting something out, putting myself out, reaching the outside world, interacting with it.
Life comes in phases and what I mainly was for the past 5 years is a silent, introverted kid that's constantly trying to grasp and make sense of the world. Not very social, afraid to interrupt others, to throw my voice across the room, to stand for my opinion, to tease, laugh and be provocative. I think that was a comfortable mask which needs to be shedded. I know it's gonna be tough, it will hurt and I will often struggle and want to revert back, but I know what I need to focus on and what identities and beliefs I need to let go of in order to"drift" there. Couple of weeks ago I did a 5-day home meditation retreat and after that I soon got a mentor to help me get deeper with some of the things I've faced there. We have our last session in few days and a lot of things are starting to come up. Feelings of insecurity, fucked-upness, unworthyness and all the things no one wants to look at or talk about. Well I WANT! I know it's the only path to true freedom and staying on top of your game. I know my past is holding me back, it's obvious, that's exactly why I want to digest all the things I've repressed and disowned about myself. I will fight those demons that had a grip on me once and for all. I'll share that process with others and when I feel like I handled that part of my life, I will make it my job to do the same to others that desire to get free and finally realize the abundance and beauty of this life.
It's enough of saying yes when I mean no, of acting like I believe something I really don't, of trying to conform to others rules and being the silent one that just follows what the herd says. I choose more. I choose better.
Authenticity and alignment are new personal top priorities for me. I believe everything should stem from those two.
We'll get what we want because we will search for it. We will meet who we want, because we will develop right boundaries and communicate clearly about our needs and desires. We will not tolerate what we don't want because our time here is limited and scarce and we owe it to ourselves to spend it in blessings with the people that deserve our love and not in the sorrows, playing it small while walking on eggshells. It's time to embrace and show the world the true gold of who we really are.
I'm choosing to commit to that every day, learn from my mistakes and keep moving to the personal truth.
And I think this is where consuming vs. creating is worth the mention. You will consume a lot when you don't feel like you can impact the world, when you don't feel like you're getting your shit together, when you're not at the cause but at the effect of your life. When you need outside world to validate you and when you need other's permission to act in a certain way. You will create when you're ready to step on other's toes, when you're ready to make mistakes and be corrected, when you're ready to get haters, when you're ready to take your life into your own hands and start to live procreatively. When you're to share a message and become a messanger, when you are willing to call others on their bullshit, no matter how close they are to you.
Radical fucking honesty is what I need and what I'm embodying more and more. I tolerate no bullshit and drama in my life. Fuck playing it safe, it's for weak. Now don't get this masculine picture of me in your head. I'm just showing years and years stacking up onto the voice that was never unleashed from within me. I'm able to bite now, but that only means that I won't need to :) At the same time I can be more caring and loving than I ever was, because I'm not doing it out of fear and seeking approval, I'm doing it out of authentic expression of gratefulness and respect for this life and all the beautiful, lovely things it offers.
I did not know this post will take me here, but apparently this is what needed to come out and through me. I got too soft for the world around me and the outside forces started to take advantage of that. I'm pretty hyped about the chapter that's in the process of unfolding.
Now let me talk more extensively about creation vs. consumption.
So as I said, when you become grounded and step into your inner voice, your inner power, you're naturally going to want to create more, because more is inside of you and you don't set high standards for what you communicate outwardly. You're simply less afraid. Now, it works in both ways. Changing yourself will result in you producing more, but also producing more will result in the inner shift. So even if you're kind of forcing it, it's good and you will probably start doing it more and more naturally, because you reminded yourself of how that feels.
As kids, we don't think too much about what others think about us. We're not careful, we just keep going exploring and uncovering the world in excitement. Then, because that's a traditional way of raising kids, our parents tell us what not to do, what not to be. Then we develop a split in ourselves; the acceptable and unacceptable part of us. We have to disentify with different types of behaviors and desires in order to fit into this world. We're constantly being told we're not right, we don't have right to speak, to go somewhere, but instead we should listen and conform to the rules.
Now this is really good, because it makes the society function so we don't have to worry that some jackass will interrupt us everywhere we go. However, there is a big payoff. Some people completely lose touch with who they are. They revert back into themselves, they become silent and they wanna get validated. And it makes perfect sense to do that because all these years you're being told exactly that which you're becoming. You lost track of your intuition and you stopped trusting yourself.
I believe it's necessary to get that part back when we grow up, or even better to change the approach of teaching our kids on how to behave. I find this to be true especially for men, because they naturally want to lead and create more. We want to spread our semen all over the fucking place, we want to spread ideas and influence the world around us. Now, before some feminist accuses me of being disrespectful to the woman, please notice that I'm not saying how "All the men should be leaders" or "Women belong to the kitchen.". Good!
Consuming is what's keeping us from being invincible, because there is no movement towards something, no intention. We get lazy and complacent. We get ok with being unsatisfied in life, because no one's calling us out on it, and we don't have enough free will to think about what will happen 5-10 years down the line if we keep being the way we are. We don't have that free will because it became substituted with all the things we consume. It's like we keep feeding ourselves, but never really take a dump.
I hope I was able to push on some of your buttons here and perhaps make you realize some of the things about yourself. The intention of this post was to make you step up and get back to steering your life in a difrection you actually want. If you think you need to work on this put some thought into what you can do today to start shifting and write it down in the comments below.
Thanks for staying 'till the end.
Let's move!