I've got the Hots for something...
I'm a pretty big fan of spicy stuff. I've been suckling on kimchi since before I could walk and I douse my pizzas in pepper flakes until the pies look like a painting by Seurat. My absolute favorite dishes in the world are hot slices of pig's feet (1 million times better than it sounds) and “fire chicken” covered in mozzarella cheese. If you're ever in Korea when I'm there, the next round of milk is on me.
I love the intense heat you get while powering through these meals. I relish how it fends off the cold in the sharp Korean winters and how it helps beat off the heat in the New York summers. They wake me up better than any artificial substance or cup of coffee and they help relieve stress. I'm a big believer of the health benefits as well, raising metabolism levels and providing a potent dose of antioxidants.
Though recently, I found out that I was living a life of an amateur. A few weeks back, I stumbled across the amusing Youtube channel “Hot Ones” where host Sean Evans interviews celebrities while mutually enjoying a lineup of buffalo wings. Each question (I believe around a dozen) is paired with a wing that is doused in a progressively spicier sauce. Upset stomach-induced shenanigans aside, I was very unaware of the existence of hot sauce varieties. I was familiar with typical offerings like Shiracha and Tabasco but nothing to the degree that I witnessed on the show.
A part of my ignorance is that I naively never expected madmen to liquify the world's hottest peppers into toppings. I remember an early Simpsons episode where Homer is induced into a prolonged hallucination after he consumed a (from what I remember) ghost pepper whole.
Source: The Simpsons
My interest was instantly peaked and I craved to try these. A short Yelp search later, I discovered a shop near me in Williamsburg that exclusively sold hot sauces from around the world. I snagged my subway pass and soon enough, I was at the doorstep of The Heatonist.
My Safe Space
Source: CNBC
The Heatonist is a little storefront at the northern part of downtown Williamsburg. It's surrounded by simple shelves supporting lines of little bottles. On the right side, you see a shrunken cocktail bar of all the spicy varieties, each with an eyedropper instead of a top. Here, you can have as many single drop tastings as you can handle.
Source: Compass and Wine
Source: 99 Percent Lifestyle
I tried about five straight to the tongue before I had to throw in the towel (and possibly my dinner). By the time I was swallowing the fifth, I was sweating like I had just run a few miles. It was GLORIOUS. I opted for this one – Fire Water made from the Carolina Reaper pepper, running me up $20 (surprisingly expensive compared to mostly $8-12 bottles) – and went home with a sizzling grin.
A little slice of Hell
Source: Culley's
Firewater, produced by Culley's in Australia, is just about as hot as it sounds. Imagine the war scene in Game of Thrones when Tyrion Lannister sets Blackwater Bay ablaze with wildfire. That's what your tongue will feel like.
Source: GoT
It's produced from Carolina Reapers, which once held the mantle of hottest pepper in the world until Pepper X was genetically engineered by the same grower within the last year.
Carolina Reapers themselves measure at 2.2 million Scoville units while the famed ghost peppers are only 1mil. FW has a slow building heat that isn't painful but has an intensifying tingly sensation on the whole of your tongue. The spice doesn't typically spread to the lips or throat so it's not overly painful to eat. The tongue-specific sensation will take some time to getting used to.
Source: Westland Peppers
I absolutely love the flavor. It's rich and has an almost tomato-like deepness in texture. It's closer to light salsa than a sauce and doesn't run all over the food you dab it on. My favorite use is to drizzle a bit on french fries or as a dipping sauce for Papa John's pizza (makes a great combo with the garlic butter). I highly recommend picking up a bottle. For one person who indulges in culinary masochism at least a few times a week, this bottle will likely last you the year.
So what do you think? Am I a mad man? Do you have any favorite hot sauces? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!
