this is the reality as it can sometimes be.
I am literally reliving the scenes (no, reality) as it was shown in Revolver. I am in the midst of it, my mind knows it is happening, but I can neither get out nor change it.
“The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you would ever look.”
—Julius Caesar 75 BC
It goes in cycles; every time the cycle approaches its end, the pressure increases. It usually goes with the cycles of the moon, and I regret to say it’s not a myth or a fairy-tale. The moon is not just what it seems from Earth or even what it is proven to be by science, but that’s a whole another story...
At this point, when the pressure reaches its highest point and the system almost wins, I have a very small gap in time (usually just a couple of hours) to make a great leap into what seems to be the void. I have to risk everything and use this time to do the impossible while having no reasons to believe that it will even work and not getting anything out of it for myself. I have to do it as a leap of blind faith, as something completely selfless. Only then the system which almost wins will break and let me free.
Every time I fail. I fail again and again, and when I fail I betray the trust and the connection to someone who can go in and out of the system (which in itself is a result of unbelievable practice, pain, and sacrifice). I fail by giving in to the system and what it tells me to believe and to even be as a physical being. The cycle ends. The one who’s been waiting for me “on the other side” to complete my part now has to take responsibility for my failure and it doesn’t come easy. He must go on and keep us both going... till the next time, till the next attempt.
What if one of these cycles becomes the last and I fail it AGAIN?
