Patient Joe
I went to obtain an informed consent,
And convey to the patient what that meant,
I spent the next several moments explaining
Concepts I'd learned over eight years of training.
Now, Patient Joe was frugal, didn't live beyond his means,
And was dead-set on keeping his own body free of liens,
Joe said fine, he'd be glad to sign,
if I told him what the procedure would cost.
Then I knew in my heart I was lost.
I can go on and on on stents until my face turns cyanotic,
Assure him we treat flatlines like they're merely asymptotic,
But billing codes and DRGs are topics Gordian-knot-ic.
Said I to Joe, I do not know, but if I knew I couldn't say,
because third party payers insist it be that way.
Joe asks '"how can he give infomed consent if he hasn't been informed of price?"
And I answered, who knows, but sign it, or leave here 'against medical advice '.
Patient Joe starts talking lawsuits, then he stops and says "aw shucks.
Lets get this done, what do you say, how's cash, five hundred bucks?"
I drew on all my experience and training and ethics and...and...
(...meet me in the alley out back at nine. Here's cefazolin and some betadine).