The self-reflection here is this: More on the outside than all the way here. It's a point of self-inclusiion. Self-worth. This has largely to do with one's relationship with self and others. There's a tendency to not really commit. This point of non commitment is more a point of sharing - a speaking and movement from the heart. It's our point of depth that we have within ourselves that we keep guarded....that we keep locked up - the wonder and awe we actually see and know within ourselves...but do not dare unlock really...for if we do we could no longer be the outsider.
There's a sort of contentment within being an outsider. It is a point of deception in playing small. It is not the real truth of ourselves. This is coming from a place of my own self-reflection as someone who has walked the path of being an outsider. I am undoing all the locks I created for myself and I am giving myself access to the core of myself. It's a facinating thing.
For myself - what this is really all about is my self-honesty in allowing myself to be honest about the experiences emerging within myself as a my move throughout the day. There's been this tendency to be a bit too 'chill' to play things a bit to cool....and within this approach it's like i just glossed over the depth of expeience/vulnerability/intimacy available for me in life moments.
Consequence of not/knot tuning in to the experiences of life from moment to moment - keeps one on the outside. It's a point of being cold and or numb to ourselves and the world. Nobody can really get to close to ourselves because we are so guarded within ourselves.
Forgiveness is the starting point support gift we can give ourselves.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to guard myself and lock myself out from really feeling the experiences that emerge within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing how i've excluded myself from being a full time participant with everyone here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding what it means to in all ways be honest with myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing what "all inclusive" really means...and how it's a point of "self-inclusion" this is the core point here....it's about ourselves...and going deep all the way to the core of ourselves...and being real with what is here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making a big deal about my experiences to such an extent that i am easily overwhelmed and thus it is easier to rather create a default character persona that always plays it cool.
I realize that to live for real is beyond any character persona - and that there is a rawness in being real as the living is not so scripted - it's live in the moment. It's a real time play and work as what it means to live our 'best response ability.' Life is a series of movements throughout any one day. There's much that goes on. We are the author and driver as the live playing participant here.
All we are here to do is direct ourselves in the best ways possible.
When I see myself holding back from investigating a point of depth of myself - i realize I got this - I am checking this out - I use an instance of resistance as an indicator and siren alarm for me to stimulate my best movement which supports me establishing a nice momentum in creating my flow.
I realize that each day the point is for me to build. What I mean by build, is to create bricks of support for myself. Like, my body is my temple/fortress/mansion/kingdom/Heaven and I always have all the building materials at my disposal and it's a matter of me using the materials/resources available to create bricks...and actually lay the bricks down...create shape for myself and my living by integrating sound support as who/how/what I am here.