I have been to three 10-day Vipassana retreats and one 3-day vipassana retreat.
My first Vipassana retreat:
Day 0:
I was 19 years old at that time my parents were worried about my decision of living in a meditation camp for 10 days. My relatives asked whether I was suffering from mental illness. Nobody in my family knew about Vipassana. In spite of their resistance I decided to go for it. I packed my bags and my parents drove me to the meditation center. It was located in a village. I reached before the reporting time so there was no one except us. Me and my parents were scared. Lots of negative thoughts were going in our minds. After an hour other people also started to come that gave us some respite. I went to the office and filled the form. They asked me few questions such as:
Q.1 Will you be able to maintain complete silence for 10 days?
Q.2 Will you be able to follow all the five precepts?
I said yes. Now it was time for my parents to leave. I had never left house for such a long time. My mother was crying and I was also crying but I didn’t show her my emotions. My parents sat in the car and they said goodbye. That was a difficult moment for me. All the people were older than me and they were looking at me with a curiosity. I felt as if they all were zombies and soon they were going to attack me. But fortunately that didn’t happen.
We had our dinner at 6 pm and they gave us the time table for the course. We were instructed that after the induction program the course would start. The vow of Noble silence was started just after it.I thought nobody was going to follow it. To my surprise all were following the rules with utmost priority.
The time table for 10 days:
4:00 am-Morning wake-up bell
4:30-6:30 am- Meditate in the hall or in your room
6:30-8:00 am- Breakfast break
8:00-9:00 am- Group meditation in the hall
9:00-11:00 am -Meditate in the hall or in your room according to the teacher's instructions
11:00-12:00 noon- Lunch break
12 noon-1:00 pm- Rest and interviews with the teacher
1:00-2:30 pm -Meditate in the hall or in your room
2:30-3:30 pm -Group meditation in the hall
3:30-5:00 pm- Meditate in the hall or in your own room according to the teacher's instructions
5:00-6:00 pm -Tea break
6:00-7:00 pm -Group meditation in the hall
7:00-8:15 pm- Teacher's Discourse in the hall
8:15-9:00 pm -Group meditation in the hall
9:00-9:30 pm- Question time in the hall
9:30 pm- Retire to your own room--Lights out
Day 1.
I never woke up at 4 am in my entire life of 19 years.
First morning bell -I didn’t wake up.
Second morning bell- Repeat.
Third morning bell- Repeat.
I was dreaming that a person was outside my room with a bell in his hand and he was constantly ringing it. Soon I found I was late and the dream was a reality. I quickly turned on the lights that gave him the message that his bell had an effect on my sleepy deaf ears.
I wore my Kurta Pajama. That was first time I wore it. So, it was a bit awkward.
I reached the meditation hall. I sat on my designated seat. Our teacher switched on the tape recorder and I heard the recorded voice of Mr. S.N.Goenka. I was surprised as I was expecting to meet Goenkaji. I came to know that there were many centers of Vipassana around the world and the old students who became teachers were sent to these centers to conduct the meditation retreat. Silly me.
We were instructed that for the first 2.5 days we had to observe our breath. I thought it would be an easy task but it was not. I faced many problems. The first session ended at 11 am. We went for the lunch. I was hoping that someone would talk to me and would ask me about my experience but that didn’t happen. I ate my lunch. It was delicious. It was two hour break. I was in my room and I was scared. No human voice. Silence was all around.I started crying. I desperately wanted to talk to someone.I was not able to bear the silence. I decided to quit. But I said to myself “ I can’t quit. This is my moment. I am suffering and I want to end this suffering by any means. I will continue and I will complete this retreat.”
Those words gave me confidence and I decided to continue the retreat.
Somehow I managed to pass the day 1.
DAY 2
I woke up at 4 in the morning. Changed clothes and straight went to the meditation hall. Sat on my seat and started observing the breath. Kept on doing it for few minutes and slept. The helper of the teacher came and I had to woke up.
It kept happening for the entire course.
Still, it was an easy day.
I survived.
DAY 3
Vipassana was to be given to us.
I thought they would give us a mala or some magical water would be poured on us.
But that didn’t happen.
Vipassana is a meditation technique in which we have to observe the sensations arising in our body and with help of those sensations we have to understand the impermanent nature of life. Why to attach to something or someone which is impermanent?
I did it for first time and I was amazed. I hadn’t experienced something like that in my entire life. There were sensations all over my body. I was in utter shock.
As the session got over we went to the dining hall. I sat on the chair and I was constantly wondering the experience. It was something new for me.
Third day ended with a new discovery.
DAY 4
I wanted to experience those sensations once again.
I woke up before 4 am.
Quickly got ready and went to the meditation hall. I did some Anapana and then started doing vipassana. I was craving for those sensations but I didn’t experience any sensations. I was sad. I wanted to experience it. I desperately wanted it.
Whole day I kept on trying for it.
During the teacher’s discourse I came to know I was practicing in a wrong manner.
We don’t have to crave for the sensations. We have to concentrate on the specific body part if there is a sensation then accept it and if there is no sensation accept it. We have to accept the reality.
I understood.
DAY 5 to DAY 9
I was fully immersed in the practice. I did the practice diligently.
It was tough. I wanted to practice but my concentration power was low.
I used to get very angry and I used to scold myself as they show in movies.
Then I came to know that it happened with all of us. This technique is all about curbing the monkey mind.
Whenever your mind is not able to concentrate just accept the reality calmly and bring back the attention to the sensation or breath.
With this knowledge I continued the practice.
DAY 10
This was the last day of the retreat. They taught us Metta meditation on this day.
We were allowed to talk to fellow students. I made great friends. We discussed our experiences. All were very happy.
My mind was peaceful. There were no thoughts. At the start my mind was filled with so many thoughts.
As they say ”All good things must come to an end”.
But it was a beginning.
DAY 11
I reached home. My mom was super happy to see me and so was I.
The End.