Mindfulness meditation has taken on an increasingly important part of my life. My younger days were defined by excess anxiety, lack of focus, and a large degree of procrastination. I delayed attending college because I could not focus long enough at the tasks presented, and could not feel comfortable in the large crowds.
I had always been familiar with meditation, as I am sure most people growing up in California at the time were, but it was always something that 'other' people did. The odd people, the rich people, etc. It wasn't something that those of us who grew up in the country practiced, or even thought much about.
However in the last ten years Meditation has become a core part of my being, and a distinct part of my personality. The person I am today would not be recognizable to the person I used to be. I no longer panic at crowds. My day is not ruined by small interruptions in my schedule. I can sit with my son and actually be present for him, instead of thinking of all the things I have to get done.
My preferred type of meditation is to sit with a timer with bells. I set it so that every two to five minutes a bell rings (there are many apps for this). Every time the bell rings I am reminded to come back to my breath, and not be pulled away into thought. Some days the bell is just there for support, other days I need it to bring me back every single time it rings.
Yes, ten years later I still get pulled down rabbit holes of planning and thought every time I sit to meditate. This is normal, and okay. What is important is that we become aware of when we are pulled away and come back to the breath, over and over again.
What is happening when we come back to the breath is that we are strengthening our ability to focus. We are resting that part of our brain that plans and plans and worries and worries. That part of our brain gets enough exercise, it is time to train something else.
The process of watching myself transform with just this simple habit has been great. I would not want to go back to the scattered, fretful, anxious person that I was before. I still have a long journey ahead and I am confident that meditation will always present me with something new to learn and grow from.