A Memoir
Once the first principle, that is "live with everything in your life", is implemented, you might feel detached more than ever from both the personal and global reality. You will indifferently hear the news, indifferently listen to other people’s stories and dramas, to their sorrows and misfortunes, but you will not be able to show emotional involvement simply because such a thing will tire you too much. You will not be able to go back to your old way of life - the dualistic one. You will feel comfortable being able to sleep well at night unbothered by the things that going on around you.
Then the big question may pop up, what now? What is the next step of the process, what else do you need to know and what is the point in all of that?
Credit: Shanell Papp
The feelings of detachment that you probably would feel have two purposes.
- In the first place, they now come up to pinpoint for you the obligation to the goal that you have placed for yourselves, to remind you that at the end of this process lays your Realization which you so desire and advocated to have. Such reminder is needed right now because the much internal work that you were immersed in might have caused you to lose interest, to give up on everything, and therefore here and now, as you observe from the side and not taking sides, diligently remind yourself that you are still on the track to Realization.
- The second purpose of your current condition is to tell you that while you are working nicely on living with everything around you, you have still not fully accepted neither who you are today nor who you have been in the past, from the time you were born to this now moment.
Every man and woman has a personal history that is comprised of lifelong experiences. Whether the individual is a teenager or an elder every significant event that has taken place in their lives created and contained an emotional charge that oftentimes became a heavy burden to be carried along for many years. The examples are numerous - as a child, you might have had guilt feelings for asking God to kill by a tragic accident those horrible children that harassed you at school; As a dad, it might have happened that you felt regret and shame for occasionally beating your mischievous kids who had bothered your siesta. Guilt feelings might have become apparent in your relationship as well, like for being not supporting enough, for not standing by your spouses’ side when they tried to cope with difficulties at work or in their business.
The various conditions in our life give birth therefore to feelings of guilt, pain, and unworthiness. The latter is the feeling that we are not good enough to receive what we dream of, or that we are not entitled to have happy and successful lives. People who carry a religious background might sometimes feel that they are sinners in the eyes of God, that they have not made an appropriate effort to be good and to become worthy and therefore God doesn’t love them anymore, they are no longer suitable for “his” care and attention. Every person carries in their sack of history, deeds and behaviors that in retrospect produce feelings of deep remorse or self-hatred. While people may feel haunted by their lack of courage, for using lies and deceptions or for manipulating and exploiting others, deep in their hearts always nests a great hope for redemption; that one day someone would show up, embrace them closely and would say that everything is ok, that everything they have ever done was appropriate and right.
This emotional burden that you have carried with you for so many years makes the journey towards TrueLove impossible because you are stuck and cannot progress. Therefore, it is imperative to release your grip on all the stresses, the pains, the agony and the suffering that exist within your memories. Open those hands which tightly hold those situations and let them go. It is high time you discharged the guilt feelings, the pain; it is high time you accepted who you are and who you have been, along with all the deeds, the thoughts and the behaviors from your past. Stop judging yourselves, stop judging who you were, stop containing the guilt feelings and fully accept both what you consider good and bad. There is no one in the whole world, especially not a God, who judges you and only you are the ones who still refuse to release and let go. This clinging to the painful past is what implants you in your place and prevents you from touring the Kingdom of love. Can you give yourself a full redemption? Are you able to let the past, which no longer serves the new you, go?
Once you begin working on this second principle do not be frightened if for a short while some past events, which may evoke difficult and painful memories, would rise up. You may suddenly encounter a person who would light up within you a distant memory that you thought you had let go of long ago, or you might watch a TV program that might cause you to think about a dark time in your past, and by that would bring to your consciousness feelings of guilt and frustration. Do not fear what happens, the past does not come to haunt you. Those are intentional experiences which would allow you to quickly and sharply handle what is no longer needed. You will finally understand the bigger picture and that alone will help you to release all the guilt and the painful feelings that might still reside within you.
The ability to release memories is strongly related to people from our far and near past who had special meaning in our life. Not always we accept the fact that people abandoned us or decided that they were no longer interested to know us. It can happen with a childhood lover whom we secretly cherish and it can also occur with the last boyfriend who after three years of complete love has surprisingly told you that he leaves. As much as the loss can be painful, frustrating and carries numerous thoughts and feelings of unworthiness and guilt, it is essential to understand that there is no alternative but to fully release. The more we insist on keeping that person in our thoughts, in our feelings, the more we hinder ourselves from progressing forward. Do understand that if the person you love left for good then he or she was not your TrueLove and the sooner you release them the quicker you will allow your genuine TrueLove to find you.
No one leaves your personal reality before a more appropriate substitute takes their place. The reason you still do not sense that replacement is that you still have not let go of the past.
Similar to the first principle, the internal work of fully accepting who you are is progress which takes its time. Do not get panicked to realize that past memories still accompany you. Memories of past lovers, ex-husbands, and girlfriends, would still linger for a short while but their energy would certainly begin to fade away, to clear its place for the benevolent essence of your Master self. Remember, thanks to the person you have been all your life, you are now where you are today and understand that everything was done out of great love toward you. Now, the place you are headed to has no room for the past and therefore it has to go, just like the teacher in our elementary school who has enriched our lives and influenced our childhood but once we moved to high school it was natural to depart. Say goodbye to the individual that You were, shed every unnecessary load and when you are free of any superfluous leftovers, proceed to your Realization.
And that was principle number two.
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