May Is National Mental Health Awareness Month

HOLA AMIGOS!!!

Disclaimer... I tend to get sidetracked easily when I tell stories or anything really. Just so ya know. But I will always try and lead ya back to the main topic. Everything I say has a meaning to wtf ever the subject is. I just want you to get a feeling of what is what and why it is. or just cuz that's what I do. my brain is Swiss cheese. I will put the "sidetrack" annotation for ya ahead of time when I know I am going astray. If ya don't dig this type of story tellin. Pop that clutch and move along.

Today was a absolute shit day. If you have read any of my previous post ya already know. If ya dont or havent. I am fkd up mentally. I can give a pretty good impression that im fine, probably!even better than fine actually. But, I am a fucking liar. I am so sad and just want to not be here anymore. The pain I cause others deepens my depression and worthlessness. The daily doings of life can be difficult, and then to see what effect ity has on my mate, makes it worse. I have the greatest capacity to loose track of conversation, of thought, of interest, of.... of every fuckin thing. I woke up today kinda meh, kinda feelin if I can just get this one thing going its gonna be a dope day. Well I did. I got that one thing going. Negativity. I got up and the world was just dark, dark and cold. I thought about everything, and thought about nothing. I was just in a void. Dark, empty, cold, alone, worthless, a PoS, i dont deserve to even be here. The pain... the pain for this is deeeeeeep in my chest. Its a hallow feeling. Ya know what I mean. It s like being in a stifling room where its hard to breath, its so dense that you can hear your heart ponding and your breath is so loud. Well not urs but mine is.

I contemplated, yet again, the fact that i am sick of this feeling, sick of life, sick of death. I was going to drink some beers eat a gummie and then drive my jeep off the side of this mountain. I decided to take a cpl pills after fighting the pain I was in. I just focused on my breath. How it was so erratic, shallow, cold. Slowly my breath became more even and I decided I needed to check out again and maybe wake up in a better state. I took the pills and just chilled and went to sleep for the 3rd or fourth time. I woke up and kinda figured if I am always going to be on the verge or that shit I really need to get my shit together and make it so their love of my life and our asshole fur babies at least had something they could be more independent with.

I have a plan to die to so to speak, lol. I have created the end. Now if you were a lil like wtf is yeti doing. WTF I am doing is a writing mediation. I am also getting out the negativity that is just reckn my soul, my heart, my thoughts. I am doing it here because this shit cant be censored. People need to see the thoughts, feelings, emoti9ons people like me have and how our brains slowly murder us.

I am completely transpart about my life the shit ive done, witnessed, knew aboiuyt, whatever. I love to make people laugh. It is the biggest part of my day to see hear, read about it, and or hear. It kinda slows the digging process of another bout of depression.

We can manifest anything in our lives if we just believe it. The life we live is a direct result of our thoughts, Buddha once said. Well I dunno if it was Buddha actually, but I like thinking he said shit like that. Because I can say shit like that and this and get a LOL. I dunno. But those words are the truth. And I just realized right here with you as I am typing this....In order to manifest something we should not tell anyone about it. Because if you do the power of that manifestation weakens. This , this is my brain working under its own whatever brains do things. By my talking to you about my future, I have weakened it immensely. by telling all 3 of you weird internet friends I have weakened it immensely. What a joy and heart breaking thing to realize.

I dunno I am kinda trippin right now. N e ways. If you suffer with mental illness, please talk with someone. Dont keep that shit inside. If youre someone that is chosen to be this person. Just listen without the intention of fixing. Listen with compassion. Just be there. Listen to your son, daughter, cousin, friend, lover, yourself. Just let it all flow. Dont be judgmental, dont be harsh. Be accepting. This is just what it is. Its hard for some many if not impossible to let this shit out of us. *t might be the only time that person can let it out. I am rambling again so I am gonna end thus here

Just so ya know. I wrote this as a therapeutic attempt to myself to see if it would make me feel better. And so ya know it did. The amount doesn't matter its that fact tat I feel beter at all. And to show that. All the stuff this generates I will donate it to a mental health group or charity here on the hive. They will be lucky to get .05 hive, but its more than they had before, lol.

So plz dont say some sappy shit if you comment. But if ya do, IDC. Its youre life and I cant tell ya what to do.

Have A Happy Day And Don't Forget To Be Awesome!!!

Says,
Yeti